The Story JKR Decided Not To Tell
by k0117416
Summary: Ever felt that JKR was keeping something from us? Well in the Mauraders 6th year something happened that would change all their lives forever! Join them as they learn about life, friendship and love! After all, whats life without a little romance?
1. A New Year Lily

It had been a long and hot summer but it was now over and Lily Evans was on her way back to school. Yet Lily was no ordinary girl, Lily was a witch and she was about to embark on her sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had just completed her O.W.L.'s (Ordinary Wizarding Levels) and had done very well. Lily had been debating all summer what subjects she was going to take for her N.E.W.T's (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests). She was thinking about becoming an auror but she knew that was a tough career to get into. She searched the train for someone that she knew. She had got to the final compartment when she heard a male voice call her back.

"Lily! Hey Evans!"

Lily knew that voice. She heaved a large sigh before turning around. Standing in the doorway of one of the compartments she had just passed was James Potter.

James was in the same year and house as Lily and was the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He also had a massive ego. Lily had always tried to avoid talking to James but on this occasion, it seemed rude to ignore him, especially as there was no one else to sit with.

"Hi James. How are you?" replied Lily in the sweetest voice she could muster.

"I'm fine thanks. Wanna join us?"

No! No! No!

"Yeah that would be nice thanks."

Lily knew immediately knew who the 'us' were: James and his little crew that consisted of him, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Out of the four of them, Remus was the only person Lily spoke to out of choice and it was Remus who Lily headed for when she entered the compartment.

"Hi Remus, how are you?"

"I'm fine thanks Lily" replied Remus as he got up to hug her in welcome. Lily hugged him back and kissed him on the cheek.

When Lily took her seat next to Remus she looked around the compartment at the other people in there. James was looking shocked at the friendly exchange between her and Remus but Lily didn't care. James was not accustomed to having the limelight taken away from him. If it helped to deflate that oversized ego of his, then Lily was pleased he had seen it. The other two in the compartment reacted differently from James and each other. Sirius smirked and winked at Remus while Peter's eyes darted nervously from James and then back to Lily and Remus.

"So, did you all have a good summer?" asked Lily, desperate to break the silence.

"Oh yeah it was great!" replied Sirius sarcastically, his face full of hatred. "Got to spend six weeks with the parents from Hell!"

"I was only asking Sirius, there's no need to jump all over me!" retorted Lily angrily.

It was well known to people in Gryffindor that Sirius did not get along with his family. Most people stayed clear of the subject of family whenever Sirius was around.

"Sorry Evans, but you know how I feel about going home for the holidays."

"Don't call me Evans, you know I don't like it!"

Sirius's expression changed to his trademark smirk again

"I know!" he grinned.

Lily smiled despite herself and turned her attention back towards Remus.

"You look awful Remus!"

"Thanks" cried Remus, pretending to sound hurt

"You know what I mean" replied Lily

"Well…it's been a rough few days" said Remus

"Hmmm" muttered Lily, knowingly.

There had always been an unspoken understanding between Lily and Remus. It was not common knowledge that Remus was a werewolf. In fact, Lily doubted whether anyone other then the people in this compartment knew. Remus had never told Lily he was a werewolf, nor had anyone else for that matter. However, Lily was a clever girl and had soon figured out Remus's secret for herself. This made the bond between Lily and Remus very special. She had never told anyone Remus's secret but somehow both of them knew that the other knew. This was enough to cement their friendship. James, Sirius and Peter on the other hand, Lily was not so sure about.

Lily had never warmed to James although he seemed to be fond of her. Last year, James had repeatedly asked Lily out, only for her to refuse every time. Lily couldn't help but be flattered that one of the most popular boys at school liked her but she could never see the attraction; he was not what you would call good looking. James was slim, average height with very untidy black hair that he would run his hands through, to make it look like he had just stepped off his broom. He was an excellent Quidditch player, no doubt about that but he knew it. He paraded himself around the school like he was God's gift to the world and Lily truly believed that he revelled in his own hype.

Sirius on the other hand was a different matter. He too was one of the most popular boys at Hogwarts. He and James were best friends and quite the double act. Lily had taken quite a liking to Sirius without really knowing why. Actually that was a lie. Lily knew exactly why she liked Sirius. He was tall with short black hair that occasionally fell into his eyes. He had a good physic considering he ate like a pig and his pale grey eyes always had a flirtatious glint to them. In short, Sirius Black was extremely good looking. Not only was he good looking, but he and James were two of the cleverest people in their year. Lily never let on that she thought Sirius was good looking (he knew that himself, without being told) and made sure that she treated him the same as anyone else. Lily never understood those girls who giggled and whispered every time he and James walked by. She found them quite pathetic.

Lily's eyes travelled from James and Sirius and rested on Peter. Peter was an odd one. Lily did not know him very well and never knew what to make of what she did know. He was a short, chubby boy with small black eyes and a pointed nose. He always seemed nervous and followed James and Sirius around like those giggling girls Lily detested so much. Lily felt sorry for him as he was, well, quite frankly pathetic.

"So how was your summer then?" James asked, once he had recovered from his initial shock.

"Oh you know the usual. Went to the south of France for a few weeks with my family. That was the highlight of my holiday really!"

"Oh! Why's that? Do I smell a holiday romance?" teased Sirius looking quickly over at James before turning his attention back to Lily.

"That Sirius Black, is none of your business!" retorted Lily, smirking herself

"Ok, Ok!" said Sirius, grinning and holding up his hands in mock surrender, seemingly unaware of James glaring at him.

"Have you thought about what you're going to take for your N.E.W.T'S? said Remus changing the subject quickly.

"Sort of" replied Lily "I've been thinking about becoming an auror, so I would have to take Potions, Transfiguration, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts at least. What about you? You were always quite good at Defence Against the Dark Arts weren't you?"

"Quite good!!! He's a genius at it!" cried Peter

Sirius, James and Remus laughed, both at Peter's sudden exclamation and at Lily's shocked expression.

"Well, I don't know that genius is quite the word, but I do enjoy it" smiled Remus

"So would you think about becoming an auror then?" asked Lily

"No, I don't think the Ministry would accept me onto the program"

"Of course, yeah, sorry" mumbled Lily, embarrassed at her thoughtlessness.

"I was thinking about, maybe, going into teaching but nothings set in stone yet. I'll just see how these two years go first" grinned Remus.

"These are gonna be the best years of our school life. We are gonna rule the School!" Said Sirius, as he lay on his side, his elbow on the seat, propping up his head with his hand.

"Making yourself comfortable there are you Sirius?" remarked Lily

"I'd be even more comfortable if you came and sat with me" said Sirius, patting the seat next to him, his eyes glinting mischievously.

Lily considered him for a second before replying "I'm perfectly content here next to Remus actually" and with that she shifted herself closer to Remus before snaking her arm through his. Sirius seemed a little put out but laughed all the same.

The rest of the journey to Hogwarts continued without much excitement. It was only when they arrived at Hogwarts and Lily found some of her own friends, that she realised she had actually enjoyed the journey. Maybe Sirius and his mates weren't so bad after all.

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	2. A New Year Sirius

The holidays were finally over and Sirius Black could not wait to get back onto that train and go back to Hogwarts. Sirius hated the summer holidays, as it meant he had to go back to the family house in London and live (for six weeks) with people that he would normally avoid speaking to or being seen with. James, Sirius's best friend, had rescued him towards the end of the holidays. Now they and their two other friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, were on the train back to school and Sirius could not be happier.

They were all having an in depth conversation about which Quidditch team would win the league this year when James suddenly jumped up and wrenched the compartment door open. Sirius sighed. This could only mean one thing. James had spotted Lily. Sure enough, no sooner had Sirius thought this, James began shouting "Lily, hey Evans" down the corridor. Sirius looked at his other friends and rolled his eyes. It was not that he didn't like Lily but it meant that he had to be on his best behaviour whenever she was around for fear of upsetting James. James was completely infatuated with Lily. He had asked her out many times, only to be shot down every, single, time. Sirius could never understand James's infatuation with Lily. She was slim, had lovely long red hair and piercing green eyes but other then that, Sirius could not see the attraction.

She must have agreed to sit with us thought Sirius seeing the look of glee on his best friend's face as he re-entered the compartment. Sure enough, Lily followed about two seconds behind him, smiling as she headed straight for Remus. Remus stood up to greet Lily with a hug and Lily in turn hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. Remus reddened slightly. Sirius smirked and winked at Remus before seeing the shocked expression on James's face.

"So, did you all have a good summer?" asked Lily

Sirius's thoughts turned back to the last time he had seen his mother before running away to James's house. She had 'caught' him sending a letter to his "half blood" friend (Remus). A huge row ensued with Mrs Black saying that Sirius was a disgrace to the Black family and as far as she was concerned, she had only one son. His temper raised at this memory remarked some what sarcastically

"Oh yeah it was great! Got to stay with the parents from Hell for six weeks!"

To his great surprise, Lily turned on him and yelled that she was only asking and not to jump down her throat (or words to that effect). Sirius suddenly felt ashamed at the way he had allowed his temper to get the better of him and apologised.

"Sorry Evans, but you know how I feel about going home for the summer"

Sirius saw that Lily was still angry when she replied

"Don't call me Evans! You know I don't like it"

Sirius smirked again and replied "I know". He had actually forgotten that Lily did not like being called by her surname. He had always found it quite humorous when she had a go at him for using it yet she never said anything to James when he used it.

He knew she had forgiven him for his outburst when she tried to hide a smile by turning back to Remus. Sirius took this opportunity to sit back and look at Lily. She looked different from last year. She had a glow to her skin that was absent before and her long red hair had got even longer. It now sat just at her waist and when she tilted her head the sun seemed to catch the natural blonde highlights in her hair. Sirius was jolted back to reality by James's voice.

"So how was your summer then?"

"Oh the usual. Went to the south of France with my family. That's the highlight really?"

Sirius suddenly grinned. Here was an opportunity for some real teasing, something Sirius relished doing.

"Oh, whys that?" he asked in a fake innocent voice, "do I smell a holiday romance?" he looked at James quickly before turning his attention back to Lily just in time to see her blushing slightly.

"That Sirius Black is none of your business" was her reply but Sirius could see that Lily had taken it in good humour. James however hadn't. Sirius could see the scowl on his best friend's face being made even worse by Lily's attention to Remus. Suddenly Peter (who had been quite quiet for most of the trip so far) stood up and shouted

"Quite good! He's a genius at it!"

Sirius, James and Remus looked at each other and fell about laughing. Sirius began to shift around on his seat, eventually deciding to lie on his side. He had just caught the end of Remus's conversation before saying,

"These are gonna be the best years of our school life. We are gonna rule the school."

"Making yourself comfortable there are you Sirius?" said Lily watching him.

Sirius could not resist it.

"I'd be much more comfortable if you came and sat with me."

And with this he moved his legs and stroked the seat next to him in a flirty manner. He knew he had gone too far when he caught James, staring daggers at him. But then Lily did something that shocked both Sirius and James. Lily moved closer to Remus and linked her arm through his and said

"I'm perfectly content here next to Remus."

Sirius laughed but could not help but be shocked by her response. Girls usually blushed and giggled madly if Sirius ever said anything that forward to them. This was uncharted territory but Sirius had to admit – he enjoyed it!

The rest of the journey continued without event. When they arrived at Hogwarts and Lily had found some of her friends, Sirius felt a hand pull him back. He turned around and found himself standing in front of a very annoyed James.

"What the hell was that all about huh?" yelled James, causing some second years passing, to look up at him in fright.

"What?" asked Sirius, but he knew what. He knew this conversation was gonna happen once Lily had left their company.

"You know what!" yelled James. "You're supposed to be my best mate. You know how I feel about Lily and you're flirting with her right in front of me!"

"I wasn't flirting with her, I was just being friendly

"Yeah right!"

"Hey guys, there's no need to argue about this" said Remus intervening.

"Stay out of it! Come to think of it, when have you and Lily been such good friends?" shouted James turning on Remus. "Trying to steal my girl eh Moony?"

"Hang on a minute Prongs" shouted Sirius before Remus had a chance to respond. "We are your mates. We would never do that to you. And sorry for pointing out the obvious, but Lily AIN'T YOUR GIRL!"

James turned back to Sirius, hurt etched all over his face.

"Look mate, I'm sorry but you cant keep starting on any bloke that shows an interest in Lily, or even talks to her" added Sirius seeing that James was about to flare up again. "She's not your girlfriend!"

This seemed to have done the trick. Sirius saw James's face relax and he in turn relaxed too. Sirius turned around just in time to see Lily disappearing into one of the invisibly drawn carriages. He wondered if she had heard any of their argument. James was getting really worked up over this girl, was she really worth it? This thought occupied Sirius's mind until they reached the castle gates. When they got out of the carriages, Sirius caught sight of Lily again. She smiled at him before walking into the Entrance Hall. Sirius concluded that maybe James was right, before shoving his hands into his pockets and entering the castle himself.

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	3. Back In Gryffindor Tower

**Once Lily had entered the Great Hall, her friends quickly ushered her over to the Gryffindor table. The Great Hall looked very impressive after six weeks away from it. Lily looked up to the enchanted ceiling and saw that it was a clear night with all the stars twinkling overhead. Lily took her seat at the table and began talking to her best friend, Helen Caris. Helen was a beautiful girl with long black hair and hazel eyes. Her mother was Spanish and her father Portuguese so Helen had flawless tanned skin all year round. Lily was in the middle of telling Helen about her trip on the train, when the doors to the Hall opened. Professor McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor house, walked along the tables and up to the staff table at the front of the Hall. Behind her followed these years first years.**

**Lily always felt sorry for the first years. She remembered how nervous she was when she first came to Hogwarts. She knew nothing about magic as she had come from a Muggle (non-magic) family. Professor McGonagall took a small stool and placed it in front of her. She took what looked like an old rag (what Lily knew to be the Sorting Hat) and sat it upon the stool. Suddenly the hat began to sing:**

_Let me take you back_

_A thousand years ago_

_To meet four witches and wizards_

_That I am sure you that you will know._

_First came Gryffindor_

_Whose bravery was well known_

_Then came fair Ravenclaw_

_Whose intelligence was renown._

_Next came Hufflepuff_

_The fairest of the four_

_And finally came Slytherin_

_Now let me tell you more._

_All four of the founders_

_Hatched a little plan_

_To make a place for learning_

_And so Hogwarts School began._

_Gryffindor valued bravery_

_And courage in his men_

_So he only took_

_Those with bravery in them._

_Cleverness was essential_

_To be in Ravenclaw_

_If you were not intelligent_

_Then you were shown the door._

_Slytherin valued blood_

_Above all the rest_

_That is why he believed_

_Slytherin would be the best._

_Dearest Hufflepuff_

_Did not really mind_

_Who came into her house_

_As long as they were kind._

_But what to do when they were gone_

_How was it to be done_

_To sort the pupils into houses_

_That would not be wrong._

_That is what I am here for_

_So put me on your head_

_I'll soon tell you where you belong_

_Before you go to bed. _

**When the Sorting Hat had finished its song, the whole school burst into applause. The Sorting was about to begin when, Helen nudged Lily in the ribs. Lily turned to see James staring at her. He quickly looked away when he saw her turn. Lily looked at the boy sitting next to him. Sirius just rolled his eyes and grinned at Lily. She smiled and turned back to face the Sorting. **

**Once 'Zeakiel, Blake' had been sorted into Hufflepuff, Dumbledore stood up. Just his mere presence silenced the entire Hall. **

"**I've a few start of term announcements to make before we start to eat. First years should note that the Forbidden Forest is strictly out of bounds. Mr Filch has asked me to remind you, that no magic is to be used in the corridors between classes. I would also like to welcome Professor Nora Maple who has agreed to take the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher left vacant by Professor Granning, (who we all hope returns home soon). I'm sure you would like to extend your welcome to her" **

**And obediently the Hall began to clap. Once the noise had died down again, Dumbledore began again,**

"**That is all for now. Time to eat!"**

**and with that, the empty plates and goblets in front of them filled with the most wonderful selection of food and drink.**

**Lily ate and drank until she could consume no more. She felt very happy to be back among her favourite people. Life could not get much better then this. **

**When it was time to leave the Hall and go to their dormitories, Lily was confronted by Helen.**

"**So are you gonna tell me what else happened on the train?"**

"**Oh right. Well, we were all talking when Sirius shifted in his seat and laid down. I asked him if he was comfortable, and he said he would be more comfortable if I sat with him." **

**Helen laughed "He's a devil that Sirius Black. So what did you say?"**

"**I linked my arm with Remus's and told him I was happy where I was"**

"**I bet James didn't like that?"**

"**He didn't seem very impressed" agreed Lily "but who cares? If it takes him down a peg or two…"**

"**LILY!" cried Helen, "James adores you! It's not fair to play with him, especially not with his mate!"**

"**Well, it was Sirius that started it, he was flirting with me!"**

"**I was talking about Remus" said Helen, looking sideways at her friend as they climbed the stairs and arrived in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.**

"**Oh" mumbled Lily**

**Helen eyed her friend suspiciously before giving the password (Wimble Womble) and climbing through the portrait hole. **

**The common room was full of noise and laughter. Most of the Gryffindor's had congregated in the common room to catch up with friends that they may not have seen over the summer holidays. Lily and Helen were soon called over by their two other friends, Rachel Worthing and Alice Freedman, who had managed to get chairs around the fire. As Lily walked towards the fireplace, she looked around the common room and soon saw Sirius, James, Remus and Peter in the corner of the room. It was never particularly hard to find them; wherever they were tended to be the loudest part of the room. James and Sirius were busy telling the first years what was to be found in the Forbidden Forest. Most of it was lies (or at least Lily hoped so) but nevertheless, they were getting the reaction they wanted; the first years looked absolutely terrified. Remus was reading and Peter was watching Sirius and James, nodding and agreeing when he was scripted to do so.**

**Lily took her seat at the fire and Rachel and Alice soon began telling her and Helen all about their summer. Lily did not pay much attention. Her eyes kept drifting over towards the table in the corner. Soon the people in the common room began to disperse. Lily decided that she was going to go to bed. She bid her friends goodnight and went to the entrance that led to the girl's dormitories. Yet she could not help but look round once more at the four boys in the corner. As she turned round, she saw James look up from his game of Wizard Chess and smile at her. Lily smiled back and headed up the stairs. Once she had got into bed, Lily realised that Helen was right. It was not fair to toy with James. Before she fell asleep Lily had decided that she would stop flirting with James's friends, no matter how hard she may find it. **

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	4. A Change of Heart?

Sirius always loved the beginning of term as it meant they had a great feast. Sirius loved his food and always ate plenty of it. God knows how he did not put on weight! The Great Hall looked spectacular as usual. Sirius sat down next to James, impatient for the Sorting to be over so that he could start eating. While the Sorting Hat sang, Sirius scanned the staff table and his eyes fell upon an unfamiliar face. Looking at the rest of the table, he concluded that they must have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.

"Hey James, look at the woman next to Dumbledore. We must have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher? Whispered Sirius

But James was not listening. Following James's gaze, he saw Lily a few seats down the table. Just at that moment, James suddenly turned his head and stared at Peter who was sitting opposite him. Lily had caught him looking. Sirius just grinned and rolled his eyes. Lily smiled and looked away. Sirius continued to look at Lily. Her red hair was perfectly straight and was resting equally on both shoulders. Lily moved her arm and swept her hair off of her shoulders so that it lay straight down her back. Sirius continued to stare at Lily until the sound of clapping brought him back to reality. The Sorting was over. Sirius rubbed his eyes and deliberately positioned himself so that he couldn't see Lily and focused his attention on Dumbledore. Dumbledore dispensed his usual warnings and notices. He then came to the introduction of the new teacher.

"You were right Padfoot. She is the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher" whispered Remus leaning across the table.

"What did Dumbledore mean; we hope Professor Granning comes home soon?" Asked Peter confused.

"Well, I heard he had gone travelling to Mongolia over the summer and got misled by a Hinkypunk. No ones been able to find him since" whispered Frank Longbottom, a fellow Gryffindor sixth year, who had overheard the end of their conversation.

All five of them laughed quietly.

Sirius had stopped laughing in time to hear Dumbledore say,

"Time to eat"

'Finally' thought Sirius as the plates in front of him filled with food.

Sirius ate and laughed with his friends for the remainder of the feast. He was glad to be back. 'It's going to be a good year' he thought. He looked down the table to where Lily was laughing with her friends. 'Yep it's gonna be a great year!'

Once the feast had finished, Sirius and the others went to their dormitories and settled themselves at a table in the corner. Suddenly the portrait hole opened and in through it walked Oliver Littleward (this years Gryffindor prefect) and the new first years. Sirius turned to James, who winked at him. This was one of Sirius's favourite pastimes, introducing the first years to the 'horrors' of the Forbidden Forest. Once Oliver had gone, Sirius and James walked over to where a group of first years had congregated, looking very apprehensive.

"Hello" said James in his cheeriest voice. "I'm James and this is my friend Sirius"

Sirius grinned and waved at them.

"Would you like to come and sit with us?" asked Sirius

Neither James nor Sirius waited for an answer. Both of them led the group over to their table. This was a well rehearsed routine. Sirius and James had been doing it for years. Remus always chose to stay out of it and read a book. Peter on the other hand was only too willing to help.

Soon the conversation steered onto the Forbidden Forest. Sirius and James had always prided themselves on never actually telling lies. Most of what they told them was exaggerated but there were elements of truth to their story. They knew (better then most) what actually lay in the forest after becoming anamagi the year before. This allowed the four of them to roam the grounds (when Remus transformed) and discover things about Hogwarts that they doubted Filch even knew.

Once they had sufficiently scared the first years, Sirius and James sat down to a game of Wizard Chess. It was half way though the game when it happened. James had just made his move, when he looked up from the chess board and smiled. Sirius knew this look well. He must have seen Lily. Sirius knew Lily was sitting behind him. He had seen her come in with Helen. He had seen her sit near the fireplace and he had seen every look she had passed their way all night. Sirius dared not turn around. He looked at James and the look of pure delight on his face.

'I can't do it to him' he thought to himself 'I won't!'

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	5. Lily's Resolve

**Lily woke the next morning, washed, dressed and hurried down to the Great Hall for breakfast. When she entered the Hall, she saw Helen sitting with James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Lily was still determined not to flirt with either Sirius or Remus. To be honest, she didn't really think she flirted with either of them. Lily knew James liked her so she flirted with his friends to make him jealous. Lily liked Remus very much. He was a nice person and a good friend. Lily enjoyed spending time with him and felt guilty that she used him but James tended to bring out the worst in her. When he acted like an arrogant git, Lily always felt compelled to bring him back down to the ground, usually with a bump.**

**Sirius on the other hand Lily did not know particularly well yet she always found it easy to flirt with him. He was just as bad himself though. Many times Lily had witnessed Sirius flirting with some girl or another. He just couldn't help himself. It had always amused Lily to see these girls acting like fools whenever Sirius was around. She had never understood the effect he had on them, yet now she found herself taking a liking to him too.**

**Lily walked over to the table where Helen and the others were sitting.**

"**Good Morning Lily" said Remus as she took her seat on the table opposite him.**

"**Morning" replied Lily smiling, "how are you?"**

"**Fine thanks"**

**Lily looked up the table towards Helen who was sitting next to Sirius and James.**

"**Hey Remus, you got up early this morning didn't you? I heard you going out at about 6am" said Sirius.**

"**I went for a walk. Not all of us lay in our beds all day Sirius" retorted Remus sarcastically with a smile.**

"**I've got to get my beauty sleep Remus. You don't think I was born with these good looks do you?" replied Sirius, grinning.**

"**If that's the case Sirius, I reckon you're gonna need more sleep!" remarked Lily, smirking down the table at him.**

**Everyone burst out laughing, even Sirius, but he was looking at her funny. He wasn't annoyed, in fact he looked impressed. Lily gave him a sarcastic smile and went back to preparing her breakfast. She couldn't do it, she could stop flirting with him. It was like he had some sort of hold over her that she couldn't escape from. She enjoyed flirting with him. Truth be told, she liked being around him. By the end of breakfast, Lily had revised her decision; **

'**I won't flirt with Remus anymore'.**

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'I'm impressed!' thought Sirius looking at Lily. Sirius and his friends were sitting at the table in the Great Hall with Lily and her friend Helen. Sirius had expected the sarcastic banter to come from James yet it had been Lily who responded first. Girls usually just giggled whenever he spoke to them. None of them had ever had the courage to banter back but this girl was different. Sirius looked at James. He too looked impressed. Sirius turned back to Lily, who had given him a sarcastic smile and had gone back to her breakfast. He found that he had a new respect for Lily and was growing to like her more and more.

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	6. The Day That Changed Everything

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**September soon passed into October and with this came Quidditch. Lily enjoyed going to watch the Quidditch games. The first game of the season was Gryffindor Versus Slytherin. This was always a highly charged game but with Gryffindor having the best team in years and Slytherin not wanting to lose their title, the game was of vital importance to both houses. There had been many incidents involving Gryffindor and Slytherin pupils cursing each other in the corridors. When Saturday arrived, Lily walked down to the Quidditch pitch with Helen, Rachel and Alice and took a seat in the highest stand so that they could see the game better. The teams came out to a loud crowd. Both houses were showing their support for their team. Lily and her friends were cheering so hard that they were soon hoarse.**

**The game was very close but it was a nasty game. The Slytherin beaters had been hitting the bludgers at the Gryffindor chasers and the Slytherin chasers were deliberately fouling the Gryffindor keeper, Robert Giles. It was the dirtiest game Lily had ever seen. Gryffindor were winning 70-60 when David Moran, one of the Slytherin beaters, hit a bludger straight at James. James did not have time to move; it hit him straight in the face. Lily gasped as James fell fifty feet to the ground.**

"**Oh my God!" Lily heard Helen whisper.**

**Lily turned to where Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting a few rows down. Remus and Peter's eyes were wide with shock, Sirius looked horrified. **

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It all happened so quickly. One minute James was flying through the air. The next he was falling to the ground. Sirius gasped in horror as his best mate lay crumpled on the floor. "He must have fallen sixty feet!!!" "He'll be lucky to be alive!" was all Sirius could hear from the crowd around him. Sirius could not believe what had just happened. He stood, frozen unable to move. It wasn't until Sirius heard Remus shout his name and pull him down the row that he came to his senses. Sirius, Remus and Peter rushed down the stands to the pitch below. When they finally got to the sidelines, Dumbledore had already conjured a stretcher and was taking James up to the hospital wing.

Sirius ran to James's side as the stretcher floated along the grounds. Sirius looked at his best friend. He had cuts and bruises all over him and his face was beginning to swell where the bludger had hit him.

"Is…is he…?" Sirius could not finish the sentence. Dumbledore seemed to know what he meant and said

"No, no he isn't. He's just unconscious"

Sirius let out a sigh of relief. It took at the courage he had not to cry. James was Sirius's family, he only family he had. If he lost him, he would have no one. Sirius Remus and Peter followed Dumbledore up to the hospital wing. Once they arrived at the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey said there wasn't much she could do but wait until he woke up. She patched up his cuts and bruises and put some ointment on his swollen face which had doubled in size. All three of them sat out the remainder of the day by James's bedside. It was very late when they arrived back in the Gryffindor common room. Remus and Peter went straight to bed. Sirius however could not sleep so chose to stay up for a while and took a seat next to the fire.

**Later that night, Lily was lying in bed, unable to sleep. She hadn't seen either Sirius or Remus since the game. She assumed they were with James. **

**She was concerned about James. She had never liked him but she would never want to see him hurt. 'I hope he is ok. I'm sure we would have heard if something was seriously wrong' she thought. In the end, Lily decided to get up and see if Remus or Sirius was back yet, just to put her mind at rest. **

Sirius wasn't sure how long he had sat staring into the flames, when he heard a noise. Looking up, she saw Lily standing in the doorway to the girl's dormitories. Lily walked over to the fireplace and took a seat opposite Sirius.

"How's James?" she asked.

Anger flared up in Sirius. He stood up and faced the fire for a few moments before turning around and raging,

"WHAT DO YOU CARE!!!!!!? YOU'VE NEVER LIKED HIM!!!!"

"Just because I think he is arrogant, does not mean I would wish harm to him" replied Lily, who had remained seated.

Sirius looked at her and felt remorseful for his outburst.

"I'm sorry" mumbled Sirius "It's just, he's my best friend and he is just lying there and there is nothing I can do about it!"

Sirius felt the tears welling in his eyes again. He looked up at the ceiling, hoping Lily wouldn't notice.

**Lily could see the tears in Sirius's eyes. She felt so sorry for him. She hated seeing people upset. She stood up, turned so she was facing him and reached out and took hold of his hand. Sirius looked quickly at her hand and then looked up at her; his grey eyes reflecting the light from the dying fire. Lily stared into his eyes before moving closer to him.**

Sirius took a step forwards, his hand now lightly tracing the contours of Lily's face.

**Lily was trembling as Sirius brushed his thumb over her lips before kissing her.**

He cupped her face with his hands feeling her warm breath on his face as he kissed her, her body trembling as she pulled him closer. This was the most amazing kiss he had ever had.

**She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him as close to her as she could. She could feel his heart racing against her chest. This was the most amazing kiss she had ever had.**

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	7. Regret

Sirius was feeling guilty. He had hardly spoken to Lily since the night of James's accident. That was three weeks ago and it was beginning to get really awkward whenever they were around each other. James was his best friend and Lily was his girl. How could he even think about taking her away from him?

'_She's not his girlfriend' said a voice inside Sirius's head, 'you did nothing wrong'_

'Yes I did. I knew James liked her and I went behind his back' Sirius argued with himself.

'_She came onto you. She took your hand and moved closer to you. It only happened because you were upset. You didn't know what you were doing. She took advantage of your vulnerability. You don't really like her. You've just been feeling lonely since leaving home this summer and she was nice to you. That is all!_'

Sirius suddenly felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He knew he could never tell anyone about the kiss but he felt better knowing that he wasn't really falling for Lily. He decided he was gonna go for a walk around the grounds so got up and headed for the Entrance Hall.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

**Lily had decided to take Charms, Herbology, Potions, Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts for her N.E.W.T.S and was on her way to the Greenhouses with Helen, when she bumped (quite literally) into Sirius. Lily had not spoken to Sirius since the night of James's accident. She didn't know where she stood with him. That kiss they had shared was real and passionate. Lily was sure Sirius had felt it too yet he was carrying on as though nothing had happened.**

"**You ought to look where you are going Evans" said Sirius.**

**Lily looked up at Sirius who was grinning. As soon as she looked at him the grin faded.**

"**We've gotta go, late for Herbology. Catch you later Sirius!" said Helen realising that her friend had gone temporarily mute.**

"**Oh right, bye then" replied Sirius.**

**Lily felt Helen grab her wrist and pull her along the corridor. When they got to the Front doors, Lily looked back to see Sirius walking through the Entrance Hall with his back to them in the opposite direction. Lily sighed, pushed the doors open and followed Helen through them.**

**Lily couldn't concentrate. All through Herbology her thoughts kept coming back to Sirius. She didn't understand his behaviour. One minute he was kissing her, the next he was acting like nothing had changed, flirting as usual. But something had changed. Lily knew she liked Sirius. If she was honest with herself she always had. How could she not? He was one of the cutest guys she had ever seen but it wasn't even that that drew Lily towards Sirius. There was something about Sirius that had always interested Lily. How was it that he was so confident? He always seemed so sure of himself, but not in a bad way. He knew what he wanted out of life and no one was gonna stand in his way. Lily admired that determination in him and wished that she was so sure about what the future held.**

**When the lesson was over and they were walking across the grounds, Helen turned to her friend and said**

"**So, you gonna tell me what's going on?"**

"**What are you talking about?"**

"**You have been acting like a zombie for the past few weeks. Don't treat me like I'm stupid Lily. I know when there is something wrong with my best friend. So are you gonna tell me what it is or will I have to beat it out of you?"**

**Lily smiled at Helen. Where was she gonna begin? **

"**Is it Sirius?"**

**Lily turned sharply**

"**How'd you know?"**

"**I don't Lily, I guessed, but I must say it's pretty obvious especially after earlier. You fancy him right?"**

"**Its worse then that!"**

**Lily sat down on the bench in front of the lake. Helen joined her.**

"**Why? Oh I see; the James thing. Well you've got yourself into a right predicament there mate. You know Sirius and James are like brothers. As long as James continues to like you, Sirius will not come near you."**

"**He kissed me!"**

"**Who? Sirius?"**

**Lily nodded**

"**Oh my God! When? What happened? How could you not have told me?"**

"**I don't know. It happened the night after James's accident. Sirius was really upset and I was trying to comfort him."**

"**I bet you were!" laughed Helen**

"**Don't Helen, it's not funny. Sirius won't talk about it. You saw him earlier, he's acting like nothing has happened."**

"**Have you tried talking to him?"**

"**Well…no. I don't know what to say" cried Lily seeing the look of exasperation on Helen's face. **

"**Well you've gotta say something. This is obviously upsetting you and it will continue to do so until you do something about it."**

**Lily knew Helen was right.**

"**Ok. I'll talk to him. Don't say anything to anyone else. Not even Rachel or Alice. I don't want anything to get back to James."**

"**Of course I won't. You are doing the right thing hun."**

"**Yeah right!" replied Lily sarcastically getting up off the bench. Helen grinned at her, flung her arm around Lily's shoulders and both of them walked towards the castle for dinner.**

………………………………………………………………………………………


	8. Moving On

Later that evening, Sirius was sitting in the Gryffindor common room with James, Remus and Peter. James had made a full recovery and both he and Sirius were back to their old tricks.

"Hey Padfoot!" whispered James suddenly, "I think you've got a fan club"

He nodded behind him, towards the corner of the room. Sirius looked over James's shoulder and saw Rachel and Alice looking over at them, giggling and looking away as soon as they saw Sirius looking. Sirius turned back to James, raised an eyebrow to which James nodded and headed over to where they were sitting.

"Hey girls, mind if I join you?" asked Sirius, grinning at them.

Rachel and Alice giggled before pointing to an available seat at the table.

"So what you girls been up to?" said Sirius trying to start a conversation.

"Oh you know the usual" replied Rachel giggling slightly. "You?"

"Oh, you know the usual!" said Sirius grinning wickedly.

Rachel and Alice began to giggle again. Sirius started to rock on the back legs of his chair whilst holding the table.

"You going to Hogsmeade next week then?" inquired Sirius.

The dates of the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year had been put up on the Gryffindor notice board that afternoon.

"Maybe, depends who else is going?" said Rachel flirtatiously

"Oh really!" remarked Sirius raising his eyebrows at Rachel's forwardness. "Well we can't have you going on your own now, can we?"

"Got anyone in mind?" Teased Rachel

"Maybe, a lady should hot have to walk the streets of Hogsmeade alone.

"Sirius Black! Are you offering to be my escort?" Asked Rachel.

"Would you accept if I did ask?" flirted Sirius.

"Well you'll never know unless you ask" retorted Rachel grinning at him.

Sirius was about to ask Rachel to Hogsmeade when Lily walked in with Helen. Sirius's stomach gave a jolt as she walked towards the girl's dormitories and disappeared up the stairs. She had not seen him, thank God!

"Earth to Sirius, come in Sirius!" laughed Rachel.

Sirius looked at Rachel

"Sorry, where was I?"

"We were talking about Hogsmeade" prompted Rachel

"Oh yeah" replied Sirius, smiling

"So….?" Asked Rachel

"So, would you like to come to Hogsmeade with me next week?"

"Yes, that would be lovely" replied Rachel happily.

"Great"

Sirius got up and walked back to the table his friends were sitting at.

"Well…" coaxed James, "how did it go?"

"I've got a date with Rachel next week. We're going to Hogsmeade together"

"He shoots, he scores!" cried James.

Sirius grinned but while his friends were talking about Rachel, Sirius's thoughts turned back to Lily. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he really liked her. Sirius had never really believed in that 'butterflies in the stomach' thing, (probably because he had never experienced it before). However, when Lily had walked into that room tonight, it felt like a thousand butterflies were flying around inside his stomach.

Five minutes later, Lily and Helen came back down into the common room and sat with Rachel and Alice. They were only sitting down for a few seconds when Lily suddenly looked over at Sirius, (those damn butterflies had started up again). Sirius knew that Rachel must have told her about their date. He knew he had ruined any chance he may have had with Lily. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

'It wouldn't have worked with her anyway' he thought 'I'm moving on'

'_She deserves to know the truth though'_ said a voice inside Sirius's head.

At that moment, Lily got up and walked over to the portrait hole and vanished through it. Sirius got up, told his friends he had forgotten to do something and walked over to the portrait hole too.

………………………………………………………………………………………

**Lily could not believe it. Just when she had resolved to talk to Sirius about their relationship, Rachel drops the bombshell that she going out with Sirius. Lily could not help but feel jealous. She wanted to be with Sirius, she knew that now but he obviously didn't want to be with her. Lily was even more confused then she was before. How could he kiss her one day and be going out with one of her best friends the next?**

'**I really thought he liked me but all the while he was just trying to get close to my friend.'**

**Anger rose in Lily like never before. She was angry with Sirius, with Rachel but mostly with herself for liking him.**

'**How could I have been taken in by him?'**

**Lily had to go. She made her excuses about having to get a book from the library for her Herbology homework and left the common room through the portrait hole.**

**She was descending the staircase, when she heard Sirius shouting her name behind her. Lily did not stop to see what he wanted but carried on racing down the stairs. Once Lily had got to the Entrance Hall, Sirius had caught up with her.**

"**Lily!" he panted, holding a stitch in his side. "I need to talk to you."**

**Lily rounded on Sirius.**

"**What about!!! The fact that you kissed me? That you've been ignoring me for the past few weeks or that you used me to get to Rachel?" shouted Lily her voice echoing around the empty Entrance Hall.**

"**I never used you" said Sirius quietly.**

"**Yeah you did! You made out that you liked me! You flirted with me and even kissed me to get to her!"**

"**Hang on a minute! I kissed you? You had nothing to do with it then? You didn't pull me closer to you? You didn't moan with pleasure as I kissed you? You just stood there and suffered it did you?" yelled Sirius.**

"**What's your point?"**

"**My point is, you are not as innocent as you make out to be!"**

"**What's that supposed to mean?"**

"**It means that you didn't mind draping yourself all over Remus on the train on the way here, flirting with him and me."**

"**That was different"**

"**Why, why was that different?"**

"**Cos you and Remus didn't fancy me"**

"**But James did! You didn't mind hurting him though did you?"**

**Lily considered Sirius for a moment before replying,**

"**Fine! Go out with her! See if I care!" And with that Lily stormed off down the corridor leaving Sirius at the bottom of the staircase, fuming. **

…………………………………………………………………………………………


	9. The Day After The Night Before

The next day, Sirius had Potions and was thinking about the argument he and Lily had had the night before. That girl was unbelievable! How could she turn all this all around on me? Sirius was so angry that he couldn't concentrate properly. As a result, his Growing Potion was going a blue/green colour and was bubbling like mad.

"Padfoot, your potion is supposed to be orange" said Remus as he peered into Sirius's cauldron.

Sirius glared at him. Remus took the hint and went back to his own potion leaving Sirius to attempt to rectify it. Sirius looked at the board, where the instructions were written. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Lily adding ingredients to her cauldron. Anger flared in Sirius again.

'How could I have thought that I liked her? She's nothing to me!' he thought.

This did not improve Sirius's mood much. At the end of the lesson, Sirius had managed to turn his potion to a red/maroon colour.

'Thank God we are continuing this tomorrow' he thought. 'I'll be able to sort it out once I've calmed down.'

As he was walking out of the door, Lily was about to walk out too. Both of them could not fit so Sirius stopped and waved his hand out the door.

"After you" he bit out

Lily threw him a dirty look and marched out. Sirius took a deep intake of breath and followed her out the door muttering rude things under his breath as he went.

Sirius's bad mood continued all through lunch. He kept on playing the argument out in his head.

'What did she mean "You and Remus didn't fancy me?" Did Lily fancy me? Was she jealous that I'm going out with Rachel now?'

Sirius gave up trying to work out what Lily meant. She was nothing to him, he had to remember that. He was with Rachel now. She was a nice girl, very pretty, funny, and she doesn't throw a hissy fit when you try and talk to her (which is always an added bonus!) Sirius had made up his mind to forget about Lily and to concentrate on Rachel and getting his potion back on track.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Lily was fuming! That Sirius Black! He thinks he is all that, strutting around the school like he is God's gift. He's worse then James! She couldn't understand why she didn't see it before after all 'Birds of a Feather, Flock Together!' Lily and Helen had just left their Potions class and were heading back to Gryffindor tower. Lily could see Helen throwing her nervous glances as they walked along the corridor. Lily knew Helen wanted to know what had happened last night. No doubt she had seen Sirius go after her and when she had returned from the confrontation Helen got the brunt of her anger after asking if she had found the book she was looking for.**

**Lily felt guilty for taking all her frustrations out on Helen especially when Helen didn't respond to her shouting, choosing instead to say nothing and go to bed. Lily looked at Helen, who looked away quickly. Lily stopped walking abruptly, turned to Helen and said**

"**I'm sorry mate. I didn't mean to have a go at you last night. I've just got a lot of things on my mind."**

"**Apology accepted. If you wanna talk you know I'm always here"**

"**Yeah I know"**

**Lily could see Helen was hoping she would tell her what had happened but Lily could not bring herself to say anything. Lily was glad Helen did not push it. She just smiled and carried on walking. **

**The rest of the afternoon continued without much event. When Lily got to the Great Hall for dinner, she scanned the Gryffindor table for her friends. Sitting at the table was Rachel, but she was not alone. Sirius was sitting next to her. Lily was just about to turn around and go out of the Hall when Rachel spotted her and shouted**

"**Lily! Hey Lily!"**

**She began waving her hand over. Lily had no choice now, she had to sit with them. As she drew closer to them, Sirius turned around and smiled at her. He had a glint in his eye but it wasn't the usual flirtatious one, it was nasty. He watched her until she took a seat opposite him. Lily found it unnerving. **

"**So Lily, how are you today?" said Sirius politely (too politely)**

"**Fine thanks" replied Lily in the same polite tone, "you?"**

"**Oh I'm fine thank you, especially now I've got Rachel"**

**Rachel giggled as Sirius put his arm around her shoulders. Lily looked at Sirius who gave her a nasty smile. Lily looked away quickly.**

'**I can't believe the nerve of this guy! And Rachel's falling for it! Well, more fool her!"**

"**I'm really looking forward to next weekend" Rachel said to Sirius**

"**So am I".**

**He pulled her towards him and kissed her on the forehead.**

**Lily stared, not quite believing what her eyes were seeing. 'Is he doing this deliberately? Is he really trying to hurt me?' she thought.**

**Lily was saved anymore embarrassment by the arrival of Helen, Alice, James and Remus.**

"**Where's Peter?" asked Lily, glad of the change of subject.**

"**He's got to finish off his Potions homework. He said he'll be down later" replied Remus, who had come and sat next to her.**

**Lily smiled and looked over at Sirius. His eyes narrowed as he saw her talking to Remus.**

'**Good' thought Lily 'let him suffer a bit.'**

**She continued to talk to Remus, occasionally glancing at Sirius, who had chosen to ignore them and talk to Rachel and James.**

**Lily had just finished eating her dinner when she noticed Sirius and Rachel were gone.**

'**Oh I've had enough!' she thought.**

**She got up and told everyone she was going back to Gryffindor tower when Helen said she would come back with her. So Lily and Helen said their goodbyes to the others and walked out into the Entrance Hall. AS they were about to ascend the stairs, Lily saw two people kissing in the shadows. When she looked closer she saw that it was Sirius and Rachel. Lily was horrified and ran up the stairs, with Helen running close behind her. **

**As soon as they had arrived in the Gryffindor common room, Lily broke down and started crying. The few people who were in the common room, began to stare at Lily, so Helen gave her a big hug and ushered her up to their dormitory. Once inside, Lily wept uncontrollably.**

"**How could he? Is he doing it on purpose? I don't know what I'm gonna do?"**

"**What happened last night Lily?"**

"**I was going to talk to him about us when Rachel said he had asked her out. I was angry and confused, so I went for a walk but Sirius followed me."**

"**Yeah I guessed that much. I knew you were upset and I saw him leave right after you."**

"**We had a huge row. I said he had only kissed me to get to Rachel and that he had been ignoring me for weeks."**

"**What did he say?"**

"**He said I wasn't as innocent as I looked and that I didn't mind hurting other people as long as it wasn't myself."**

"**Really!!!"**

"**Well not that exactly but words to that effect, yeah! I'm not a horrible person am I?" wept Lily.**

"**No, of course not! Sirius was probably just angry. I'm sure he didn't mean any of those things."**

"**Well it sure sounded like he did. I really liked him Helen!"**

"**I know you did"**

"**I feel like a right fool now. God I can't believe I'm crying over him! No guy is worth this!" said Lily wiping away tears from her eyes.**

"**Plenty more fish in the sea"**

"**Exactly" said Lily having regained her composure. "It's not like Sirius is all that anyway!"**

**Lily looked at Helen who was smiling.**

"**What!!!" cried Lily**

"**Who you trying to convince, me…or you?"**

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	10. The Shrieking Shack

It was October31st – Halloween and Sirius was walking down to the Entrance Hall with Rachel. Today was their first date, a day in Hogsmeade. Sirius had spent a lot of time with Rachel over the past week so was not nervous about spending a whole day alone with her. In fact, he was quite looking forward to it. When they reached the Front doors, Sirius saw Lily walking ahead of them with none other then Gerald Fern, the new Head Boy. Sirius didn't know much about Gerald. He was in Ravenclaw and apparently very intelligent. Intelligence wasn't the only thing Gerald had going for him. He was very handsome (according to Rachel) and was Captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. A surge of jealousy passed through Sirius.

'When did she start going out with him?' he thought.

He must have voiced this question out loud because Rachel replied

"Oh only a few days ago. He asked her out Monday. They've been attached at the hip pretty much ever since though."

Sirius felt a pang of hurt as he watched Lily and Gerald walking ahead of them, talking and laughing together.

Once they reached Hogsmeade, Sirius lost sight of Lily through the crowds of people milling around the streets.

'Probably for the best' he thought. 'Now I can concentrate on Rachel.'

He and Rachel spent a lovely morning looking in all the shops together. Rachel loved Zonko's and even brought some of Dr Filibuster's Fabulous No- Heat, Wet -Start fireworks, ("These will drive Filch crazy!") By lunchtime, Sirius and Rachel were very thirsty so Sirius took Rachel to the Three Broomsticks and brought both of them a lovely warm tankard of Butterbeer. They had been sitting there for about five minutes, when the door opened and Lily walked in with Gerald close behind her. Gerald went up to the bar while Sirius saw Lily looking around for a place to sit. Suddenly Sirius saw Lily clap eyes on the table where he and Rachel were sitting and smile evilly.

'She wouldn't come and sit with us!' he thought

but that's exactly what she did. Lily walked over to their table and said

"Hi guys, mind if Gerald and I join you?"

Sirius just stared at her, somewhere around him he heard Rachel reply

"Of course not, sit down."

Lily looked at Sirius and smiled evilly again as she took her seat. Gerald soon returned with two tankards of Butterbeer for Lily and himself and took a seat next to Lily.

"Thank you Gerald" said Lily smiling warmly at him. "Oh sorry I haven't introduced you all. Gerald, this is Rachel Worthing and Sirius Black. Guys this is Gerald Fern"

Sirius gave him a grim smile and quickly turned to look out of the window. Rachel asked Lily what she and Gerald had been doing that morning. Sirius continued to stare out of the window, not allowing himself to look at Lily.

"So what about you guys, what have you been doing all morning?" asked Gerald.

"Oh the same really." Replied Rachel.

"So you've not been up to the Shrieking Shack yet?" enquired Gerald. "One of the villagers said they'd heard howling coming from the house last night."

Sirius looked down and grinned to himself. Last night had been a full moon. Sirius looked up and saw that Lily was grinning too.

'She knows' he thought 'she must do!'

Sirius saw Lily look at him. Her grin faded quickly and she went to join in the conversation Rachel and Gerald were having about the 'haunted' shack.

Suddenly an idea hit Sirius.

"Shall we all go up there now?" said Sirius grinning. "See if there's anything to this story of yours Gerald?"

Sirius saw Gerald hesitate for a moment before replying

"Yeah, ok then"

"Excellent!" cried Sirius grinning at Lily who was scowling at him.

Once they had finished their drinks, all four of them headed towards the Shrieking Shack. As they were walking up the hill, Sirius felt someone grab his arm violently. Sirius turned around to see Lily glaring at him.

"What you up to Sirius?"

"I don't know what you mean" replied Sirius innocently.

"Oh come on! You and I both know this place isn't haunted, so what are you playing at, suggesting we come up here?" snapped Lily.

"You frightened I might scare Mr Head Boy over there?" snarled Sirius.

Lily snorted.

"Is that what this is about? Gerald?"

"Oh please, like I care who you go out with!"

"You are an arrogant git you know that Sirius!"

Sirius was about to retaliate when Rachel came running over to them. Lily glared at Sirius and walked away towards Gerald.

"I don't like this Sirius" whimpered Rachel, grabbing Sirius's hand in fright. "Why'd you suggest coming up here?"

Sirius laughed quietly

"Don't worry Rachel. If any evil spirits appear, I'll protect you"

Rachel grinned at Sirius and squeezed his hand. Sirius looked over at Lily and Gerald. His eyes narrowed when he saw Gerald put his arm around Lily as they walked further up the hill. Not to be out done, Sirius put his arm around Rachel while still holding her hand. Rachel turned her body closer to Sirius and put a hand on his chest as they neared the top of the hill, and the Shrieking Shack.

Once at the Shrieking Shack, Sirius took the lead and led the way around the unkempt garden and up to the front door which was wooden and rotting. Sirius looked behind him. He was pleased to see that Gerald was looking apprehensive.

"Shall we go in?" whispered Sirius.

Gerald, who was still looking apprehensive, nodded so Sirius took out his wand and pushed open the door. The door creaked as he opened it into the hallway. Sirius could feel Rachel shaking as she walked behind him, still holding his hand. The hallway was dark despite it being light outside and there was a musty smell hanging in the air. Sirius walked further into the hallway and approached the staircase leading to the rooms concealed upstairs. The remaining three piled into the hallway after him, their eyes darting all around them, ears pricked listening out for possible noises.

Suddenly a creaking sound rang out from behind them followed by a loud bang. Rachel screamed and ran behind Sirius. Sirius began laughing.

"It was just the door!"

True enough, the front door had swung shut behind them.

"Probably just a strong gust of wind" said Sirius, trying to calm a terrified Rachel.

"Can we go please?" begged Rachel. "I don't like this place!"

"Ok, Ok! Let's go!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	11. Hide and Seek

**Gerald, Lily and Rachel turned around and headed for the door which they had just come through. Once outside, Lily realised Sirius hadn't come out.**

"**Where's Sirius?" she asked.**

"**He was right behind me!" cried Rachel when she realised Sirius wasn't there.**

"**He's probably still in the house" replied Gerald. "I'll go and get him."**

**Lily and Rachel waited for what seemed like forever before Gerald came back.**

"**He's not in the house!" he exclaimed. "I checked every room. He's not there!"**

"**WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT THERE?" cried Rachel. "HE WAS JUST BEHIND ME A FEW SECONDS AGO! HE CAN'T HAVE JUST VANISHED!!!"**

"**Well I don't know where he is, but he's certainly not in that house!" **

**Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. Sirius had managed to vanish into thin air.**

"**Maybe he apparated" suggested Gerald.**

"**No" said Lily thoughtfully. "He doesn't know how to, besides he's not old enough to take the test."**

"**Well he's got to be around here somewhere!" squealed Rachel. "We've gotta find him!"**

**Lily, Gerald and Rachel searched the garden and the surrounding area but to no avail. It was getting dark and eventually Lily managed to convince Rachel to come back to Hogwarts. The three of them hurried back to school and went to find Professor McGonagall immediately. As they walked towards the staff room, Lily heard a group of laughter. Recognising the bark like laugh, she turned around to find James, Remus, Peter standing there with none other then…Sirius. **

"**How…" began Lily.**

**James and Sirius started laughing again. Remus however was quiet and looked like he was ashamed. Lily's relief at finding Sirius safe soon turned to anger as Sirius continued to laugh.**

"**How did you get here? We searched everywhere for you!" cried Rachel, running to Sirius who had stopped laughing and had put his arms around her.**

"**Don't cry! Please! It's ok, I'm fine" pleaded Sirius.**

**Lily still shocked, looked towards James, hoping he could give her some answers. James looked at Lily and then down at his feet.**

"**How'd he do it James?" muttered Lily quietly while Sirius comforted Rachel.**

**James shifted his weight from one foot to the other, obviously playing for time.**

"**I'm sorry Evans, I can't tell you that! He's…"**

"…**your best friend!" finished Lily, staring at Sirius and Rachel.**

"**Yeah, exactly"**

**He obviously wanted to tell her but his loyalty to Sirius would not allow him to. Lily was about to tell him James all about her and Sirius and how his loyalty meant nothing but seeing the look of hurt in his eyes, she decided against it.**

"**Don't worry. I'll see you around" said Lily as she headed back to the Gryffindor common room. **

………………………………………………………………………………………………

As the others walked towards the front door, Sirius ran back into the Shrieking Shack and hid under the Invisibility Cloak James had accidentally left in the room next to the stairs. Sirius crouched in the far corner of the room and looked down to make sure he had covered his whole body with the cloak. He must have sat there less then thirty seconds before Gerald came running into the room. Sirius had to contain his laughter as Gerald rushed in, took a look around the room that was full of broken furniture and run back out again. Sirius sniggered to himself.

'They are going to get such a shock when I turn up at Hogwarts' he thought to himself.

He could hear Rachel shouting outside and began to feel a bit guilty.

'Shall I go out?' he thought

'_No she'll go mad if she finds out you've been hiding' _said a voice in Sirius's head.

So Sirius stayed crouched in the corner until he heard Lily, Gerald and Rachel leave. Once they had gone, Sirius threw off the Invisibility Cloak and ran to the opposite side of the room. Sirius knew that there was a small gap here that opened into a tunnel that led right back to Hogwarts. Sirius knew this as he, James and Peter had become anamagi in order to make Remus's transformations a more enjoyable experience. Sirius pushed himself through the hole (which was much easier to get through when you were a dog) and started running down the tunnel, back towards Hogwarts.

In what seemed like no time at all, Sirius found the tunnel rising. When at the end of the tunnel, Sirius felt around for the knot on the tree, as this was no ordinary tree. This tree was a Whomping Willow and was planted six years ago to guard the tunnel opening. This prevented students from accidentally coming across a fully grown werewolf each month. Sirius knew there was a knot that when pressed paralysed the Whomping Willow allowing you to walk freely to the tunnel opening without fear of being hit by the trees enormous branches. Usually, Peter would press this know (Peter transformed into a rat) but in Peter's absence, Sirius had to do it himself.

He found the knot without much difficulty and peered out across the Hogwarts grounds. Darkness had fallen with the only light coming from the illuminated windows of the Hogwarts castle. This meant Sirius did not have to worry about being seen. Once he had crossed the grounds and entered the castle, Sirius ran into James, Remus and Peter.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were spending the day with Rachel?" exclaimed James.

Sirius grinned and explained how he had met Lily and Gerald in the Three Broomsticks and how they went up to the Shrieking Shack investigating the 'evil spirits'. James, Remus and Peter sniggered when Sirius mentioned the evil spirits. When Sirius got to the part about hiding in the Shrieking Shack and coming back via the tunnel, Remus's expression changed from amusement to alarm.

"You did WHAT!!!" he cried. "You realize they are going to want to know how you got back!"

"Chill out Moony!" laughed Sirius, "I'm not gonna tell them anything"

"Oh my God! They must think your missing!" gasped Remus, a new realization dawning on him. "What if they go to McGonagall to report you missing? She's gonna wanna know how you got back. What if she realizes you know about the tunnel?"

Now it was Sirius's turn to look alarmed.

"Well let's get to McGonagall first then!" he yelled.

All four of them ran down the corridor towards the staffroom. The corridor was deserted.

"They can't be back yet" gasped Sirius.

"Let's hope not" replied Remus.

Sirius went over to where James was crouching, trying to get his breath back.

"Here's your cloak mate, brought it back with me. Came in quite useful really!"

Sirius and James looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

"You should have seen the look on Gerald's face when he came looking for me!"

Sirius mimed frantic looking from left to right before running down the corridor. James and Peter roared with laughter. Just then Sirius saw Lily, Gerald and Rachel come around the corner and walk towards the staffroom. Suddenly Lily turned sharply and stood in front of Sirius, looking completely astonished.

"How…" she began, but words failed her. She just stood there staring at him.

Sirius started laughing at the look on Lily's face but mostly to cover up the stunned silence. Out of nowhere, Rachel came flying at Sirius, tears poring down her face.

"How did you get here? We searched everywhere for you?"

Seeing Rachel cry made Sirius feel guilty again.

"Don't cry! Please! It's ok! I'm fine" he pleaded.

Rachel continued to sob into Sirius's chest. Sirius put his arms around her and tried to comfort her. Over Rachel's shoulder, Sirius could see Lily talking to James.

'This is getting ridiculous' he thought. 'It's got to stop!'

Sirius resolved to talk to Lily and sort everything out, once and for all!

………………………………………………………………………………………......


	12. Choices

**Once again, Lily found she could not sleep. She had been tossing and turning in her bed all night. She just could not get rid of the thought that kept going around and around in her head – How did he do it? And maybe more importantly, why? Lily had, had enough. She decided to go down stairs and finish reading Advanced Potions by Edna Brew. Once downstairs Lily curled up on the sofa and began reading. She was halfway through the chapter on the Polyjuice Potion, when she heard a voice murmur,**

"**People are gonna start talking if we keep meeting like this."**

**Lily looked up at Sirius.**

"**I thought you'd be down here." He replied **

**Lily sighed**

"**This is getting silly isn't it?"**

**Yeah it is" replied Sirius **

**He walked over to the sofa and sat down in the opposite corner Lily was curled up in. Lily stared at him. His handsome face was etched with tiredness and something else that she couldn't put her finger on.**

"**I…I just…I don't know what to say really" she mumbled looking back down at her book.**

"**I think its time we were honest with each other"**

"**Ok" said Lily taking a deep breath. Where was she going to begin? Should she tell him everything? How much she wanted him? How fantastic she had felt when he kissed her? Or how hurt she was when he just dismissed it? How every time she saw him with Rachel it made her want to cry?**

"**I'm not going to lie to you, I do really like you" said Sirius suddenly "and I have done since the beginning of term, maybe even before then."**

**Lily's heart skipped a beat.**

"**You make me laugh; you are not like other girls. You aren't afraid to fight back or banter with me! I like that, I like that in you!"**

**Lily began to glow. She could not believe what she was hearing; he cared for her as much as she did for him.**

"**When we kissed, it was the most amazing moment of my life! I don't think I have ever felt so happy"**

"**So why the silent treatment? Why did you ask Rachel out?" asked Lily, finding her voice.**

"**Because I knew no matter how much it made me happy, that it was wrong"**

"**But why? I don't understand! I like you, you like me. I don't see the problem."**

**Sirius sighed.**

"**When you asked me on the train if I'd had a good summer, I'd had the worst summer, if not time, of my life! Me and my mother had had a massive row over the holidays and I had moved out"**

"**What?!"**

"**I couldn't stay in that house any longer, I wouldn't! If it wasn't for James I would be homeless. You understand? James is like a brother to me, I could never hurt him. He loves you so much that if anything was to happen between us, it would destroy him."**

**Lily's heart sank**

"**This is what I realized when I kissed you. I knew that no matter how much I wanted you, that it was never going to work. I decided to move on. That's when I asked Rachel out."**

**Lily opened her mouth to speak but Sirius spoke first.**

"**Please, I need to say this before I lose my nerve."**

**Lily closed her mouth and carried on listening.**

"**Rachel was my way of moving on. It probably wasn't one of my greatest ideas, especially with her being a mate of yours, but I had to do something! I had to forget about you! That was what I was trying to explain when you started shouting accusations at me the night I asked Rachel out!**

"**I was hurt!" exclaimed Lily. "You had been kissing mea few weeksbefore and then you were asking out one of my best friends! How did you expect me to feel?"**

**Sirius dropped his head into his hands.**

"**I know. When I saw you with Gerald today, it felt like someone had ripped out my heart. Seeing him touch you, and kiss you just made me want to punch him!"**

**Lily looked at the disheveled figure sitting next to her. It was pain that she could see etched all over his face: pain and hurt. This situation had obviously taken a lot out of him. He did not have that twinkle about him anymore. He was a mess. Lily went to put her arm around him but he pulled away violently.**

"**Don't! This is what happened last time! I'm not strong enough, not yet!"**

**Lily nodded. She finally understood. No matter how much she wanted this, she knew it was ever going to happen. Sirius smiled at her,**

"**I think that's enough sharing for tonight"**

**Lily smiled back as he got up and walked over to the entrance to the boy's dormitories.**

"**Night Sirius" said Lily**

**Sirius turned around and paused before saying**

"**Good night Lily"**

**And with that, he was gone.**

……………………………………………………………………………………………


	13. A New Beginning

He had said his piece! He had told Lily everything he was thinking and feeling. He thought he would feel better, getting it all off his chest but he didn't. If anything he felt worse. Now the reality of what they had agreed, hit him with full force:

Sirius Black was never going to be with Lily Evans!

This realisation tore Sirius apart. He could have his pick of girls, he knew that but the first girl he had really cared about, the one girl he could actually see a future with, was the one girl he couldn't have!

Sirius left the common room and ascended the stairs back to the boys dormitories. He climbed into his bed quietly, careful not to wake any of the others. Before drawing the fastenings around his bed, Sirius looked at James. James was asleep, oblivious to what had gone on downstairs between Sirius and Lily and the effect it was having on the both of them. Sirius smiled sadly as James turned over in his bed. No matter how much he was hurting, he knew he had done the right thing.

Sirius lay down in bed, on his back with his hands behind his head staring at the ceiling. He stayed like that for hours going over everything that had happened over the past couple of months – his argument with his mother, leaving home, and falling for Lily. He was determined not to let any of this beat him! He would be ok! He was gonna make it work with Rachel and he was gonna forget about his mother and his family – James was his family now. Sirius wiped away a tear as he turned to lie on his stomach. It was approaching dawn before Sirius finally fell asleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Lily woke the following morning, feeling like she hadn't slept at all. She'd had a rough night. After Sirius had left her in the common room, Lily had tried to read the rest of her book but failed miserably. The truth was, she was heart broken! She really cared for Sirius and for a moment she really thought it was going to work for them. She didn't blame Sirius, not at all. He was right: it was never going to work between them. Lily could see that now but that didn't mean that it hurt any less. Lily debated whether to get up and go down for breakfast or whether to stay in bed all day. Getting up meant having to see Sirius and Lily wasn't quite sure if she was ready for that yet.**

**In the end the decision was taken away from her as Helen came into the room and practically pulled Lily out of bed.**

"**Come on Lil! You can't stay in bed all day! It's not healthy!"**

**Lily tried to hide under her covers but Helen just whipped them off of her pretty much tossing her out of bed.**

"**Come on, get UP!"**

**And with that she exited the room leaving Lily in a heap on the floor with her bed covers all around her. Lily heaved a large sigh picked herself up off the floor and began to get ready for the day.**

**As Lily brushed her teeth, a sense of foreboding came over her. She was actually going to have to see Sirius. Would he ignore her again? This feeling of dread intensified as she walked down the stairs into the common room. She could hear him talking. He was there, in the common room. Lily's hands began to ache. Whenever Lily was nervous, she would get an ache between her thumb and index finger. She hated feeling like this. She knew the only way for it to stop was to confront whatever she was nervous about. Lily took a deep breath, hitched a smile onto her face and walked into the common room.**

**Congregated around one of the tables were Sirius, Helen, Rachel, James, Remus and Peter all of whom looked at Lily when she entered the room.**

"**About time Evans! I'm wasting away here" said Sirius as she approached the table.**

"**I reckon its gonna take more then missing breakfast for you to waste away Sirius!" replied Lily "And don't call me Evans!"**

**Sirius grinned at her and led the group out of the portrait hole and down the stairs towards the Great Hall. Lily heaved a sigh of relief and followed the others down the stairs. **

**Maybe it wasn't going to be so bad after all. **

…………………………………………………………………………………………


	14. The BitterSweet Farewell

It had been a few weeks now since his chat with Lily and things seemed to be going well for Sirius. He was still seeing Rachel and Lily was still seeing Gerald but he and Lily were getting along better now they weren't snipping at each other and perhaps more importantly, he was no longer lying to James. This had lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders and allowed things to return back to normal. November soon turned into December and with that came Christmas. Sirius was not looking forward to the holidays. It was the first week in December when his friends dropped their bomshells.

After a particularly harrowing Defence Against the Dark Arts class (Professor Maple had been teaching them about the illegal _Unforgivable Curses, _spells which if used against another human being carried a life sentence in Azkaban Prison.) Sirius, James and Remus were walking back towards Gryffindor Tower when Sirius brought up the Christmas holidays.

"It's gonna be great! All four of us on our own in Gryffindor Tower! I can't wait!"

Sirius turned to James and Remus who were both wearing guilty looks.

"What???" exclaimed Sirius grinning.

"Well…"began James. "You see, me and my parents have been invited to a colleagues of my Dad's for Christmas."

Sirius face fell.

"I did ask them if you could come too" said James quickly, "but Dad reckons it would be rude to ask if one of his son's friends could come too. Sorry Padfoot!"

Sirius shrugged

"That's ok. It's a full moon Christmas Day ain't it Moony? Me, you and Peter will have fun."

Now it was Remus's turn to look guilty.

"Well, my mum and dad want me to come home so they can look after me after I transform. Mother worries about me. I did ask if you could come and stay but mum says it would be too dangerous. She doesn't know about you being an anamagus and said if anything happened to you, then she would never be able to forgive herself."

Sirius nodded

"Well I guess its just me and Peter then"

James and Remus looked at each other

"Don't tell me! He's going home too?"

"He's going to his aunts in Wales and you know how funny his family is about friends staying with them."

Sirius tutted

"This is gonna be a great Christmas ain't it!"

"What about Rachel? Isn't she staying?" asked Remus

"No she's going to her dad's for Christmas. She hasn't seen him for a while so she's spending the holidays with him."

"Sorry mate" muttered James, slapping Sirius on the shoulder.

When they arrived at Gryffindor Tower Sirius was feeling some what subdued. He was not looking forward to spending Christmas alone. When he entered the common room, he automatically looked around for Rachel. She was sitting by the fire with Lily and Helen. Sirius said goodbye to his friends and went and took the vacant seat next to Rachel on the sofa.

"Hey hunny" said Rachel leaning over to give him a kiss. "How's your day been?"

"A bit crap really. The lads are all going home for Christmas."

"Aw you poor thing!" said Rachel, stroking his arm. "Well you wont be on your own. Lily's staying."

Sirius turned to Lily

"Are you?"

"Yeah. I told my parents I've gotta use the library. Gotta get some of this Herbology work done." She said pointing to the table in front of them.

"Yeah, we've got so much to do ain't we?" said Rachel to Lily and Helen. Both nodded and sighed.

Sirius laughed.

"Well, what are you all sitting here for? Shouldn't you be doing it?"

"We were. We're just having a little break" replied Lily.

Sirius looked at the table Lily had pointed to earlier. It was cluttered with ink pots, quills, blank pieces of parchment and piles of books, all of which looked like they hadn't been opened. Sirius grinned,

"Yeah, looks like you've been working really hard!"

Lily, Helen and Rachel laughed.

"We're just collecting our thoughts first before we write anything down."

"Well if that's the case, I should go cos that might take all night!"

As he got up to go, Sirius saw Lily lean forward, scrunch up a piece of parchment and throw it at him. Rachel and Helen laughed as he threw it back and hit Lily on the side of her head. Siriussaw Lily laugh and shake her head at him as he went up the stairs to the boy's dormitories. Sirius opened the door to his dormitory and flung himself down on his bed. As he lay there he thought to himself,

'Maybe staying at Hogwarts won't be so bad.'

…………………………………………………………………………………………

All too soon, Christmas was upon them. Sirius looked on mournfully as James, Remus and Peter packed their trunks ready to leave. Frank (who Sirius and the others shared a dormitory with) was also going home and had already packed. He was waiting impatiently for the other three by the door.

"Come on guys! We're gonna miss the train if you don't get a move on!" whined Frank.

"Ok, Ok, we're nearly done" replied James, having his trunk along the floor.

"Hey Pa…Sirius! said James quickly "Seeing as I'm not gonna see you tomorrow, here's your Christmas present. Don't open it before tomorrow though. If you do, I shall know!" he added, winking.

Remus and Peter followed suit and gave Sirius their presents for him.

Sirius looked at his presents sadly and put them on his bed before opening his trunk and bringing out three presents; one for each of them. For the past five years, Sirius had been able to see the looks on his friend's faces as they opened their presents.

'This is what I'm gonna miss the most' he thought.

"Well, I suppose we'd best go then" said Remus.

"About time" grumbled Frank walking out the door. Remus and Peter followed saying goodbye to Sirius as they went. James was the last to leave. When he got to the door, he turned back to Sirius who was sitting on his bed.

"See you next year Padfoot old friend!" said James.

"Yeah" mumbled Sirius, looking at the floor.

Sirius heard the door shut. He looked up. They had really gone. Suddenly the room seemed very empty and quiet. Sirius sat on his bed for a while before going down to the common room. This also seemed empty yet it wasn't. Lily was curled up on the sofa by the warm fire, reading again.

"Hey you!" said Sirius as he approached the sofa.

Lily looked up from her book.

"Hey, how ya doin'?"

"Fine" lied Sirius

"You liar!" laughed Lily. "I can see it all over your face. What's up?"

"Well, all my friends have gone home and I'm here all on my own, at Christmas."

"What am I? Furniture?"

"You know what I mean" groaned Sirius flopping down on the sofa next to Lily.

Lily grinned

"Yeah I know. It seems weird not having Helen around."

"How come she's gone home? She doesn't usually does she?"

"Her sister who was a few years above us had a baby not so long ago so it's the first Christmas with the grandchild/niece"

"Ah I see" said Sirius grinning.

He had spread himself out on the sofa so he was covering two thirds of it while Lily remained curled up in the corner.

"You alright there? What me to move?" said Lily sarcastically.

"Aw would you Evans!"

Sirius stretched his legs out behind Lily's back and stared nudging her with his foot. He continued doing this until Lily yelled,

"I'm warning you Black! You carry on…"

"And you'll do what?" smirked Sirius, nudging her again.

It happened so quickly, Sirius barely had time to register it. Lily had flung her book at him and it hit him right in the stomach.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I only meant to threaten you with it!" cried Lily.

Sirius rubbed his stomach. It didn't hurt that much but Sirius made sure he milked it for all it was worth.

"I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok" groaned Sirius, still rubbing his stomach. "I'm sure its just a broken rib!"

"What!!! Oh my God! We'd better get you to Madam Pomfrey" cried Lily getting up quickly.

"No, don't worry," groaned Sirius again. "I'll be ok"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's ok."

Lily fussed over Sirius all morning. 'She's feeling guilty' he thought as she eyed him nervously over the top of her book.

Later on that evening, Sirius looked out of the window onto the grounds below.

"Hey! It's been snowing!" he yelled to Lily

"I know. It was like that this morning" replied Lily sounding uninterested.

Excitement rose in Sirius

"Let's go down!"

He ran to the door that led to the boys dormitories. Remembering his 'broken rib' he clutched his stomach, but the damage had been done. Lily eyed him suspiciously before agreeing to go out.

The walk down took a while. Sirius had to maintain the pretense of his 'injury' so could not run down the stairs. The anticipation was killing him. Sirius loved snow especially snow fights. Every year he James, Remus and Peter would have a snowball fight at Christmas. It was like a tradition, a tradition Sirius was not going to give up.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..


	15. Christmas Comes To Hogwarts

Once outside, Sirius stood there and looked around at the grounds around him. The entire ground was covered in a thick blanket of snow. The lake looked like a large pane of glass, reflecting the blue sky above. Sirius looked towards the forbidden forest. Hagrid's hut had taken on the appearance of an Eskimo's igloo, covered from top to bottom in white powder. The whole grounds were perfect and untouched. Sirius was admiring the view when something cold and wet hit the side of his head. Shocked, Sirius turned around to see Lily standing behind him, molding some snow into a ball. She looked angry.

"What did you do that for?" asked Sirius, wiping the snow of his ear.

"YOU TRICKED ME! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR STOMACH IS THERE?"

Sirius broke out into a grin

"No, but there could have been, maybe it will teach you to be more careful next time!" smirked Sirius.

"Why you little…"

Lily threw the ball she had been molding at him.

"You'll have to do better then that Evans" remarked Sirius as he watched the ball fly three feet away from him.

Sirius could see determination flare up in Lily as she dropped to the floor to pick up some more snow. She was too slow though. By the time Lily had scooped up the snow, Sirius had thrown the snowball he had been forming straight at Lily. His aim was better then hers and it hit her on the shoulder, exploding all over her.

Lily laughed and ran away from him. Sirius chased after her, forming a ball in his hands as he ran.

"AHHHH!" squealed Lily as Sirius hit her with another snowball.

Lily carried on running away from Sirius but to no avail. Sirius caught up with her and grabbed her. They both toppled to the floor, rolling in the once perfect snow, laughing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Lily felt Sirius grab her around her waist. They both fell to the floor in fits of hysterics. Once Lily had regained the use of her senses, she realized the inappropriateness of the situation. Lily was lying on the ground, covered in snow with Sirius lying on top of her. She couldn't deny that she wanted this so badly. She had enjoyed being with him today. It was like there were only the two of them in the world, no Gerald, no Rachel; just them.**

**Lily looked up at Sirius, his grey eyes sparkling mischievously. As she looked at him, his grin faded.**

'**He's noticed too' she thought as he stood up and offered her his hand to help her up. Lily sighed, took Sirius's hand and brushed all the snow off of her coat. It was almost dark by now.**

"**I'm starving. Shall we go and see what's for dinner?" asked Sirius**

**He didn't wait for an answer. Lily watched him striding off towards the Great Hall.**

"**Come on Evans!" he yelled back at her.**

**Lily rolled her eyes and hurried to catch up with him.**

**Once they reached the Great Hall, Lily saw that only one table was being used.**

"**Where are the other tables?" enquired Sirius, obviously confused.**

"**God Black! For all your intelligence, you can be really thick sometimes. It's the holidays! There's probably less then twenty of us still here. What's the point in having all four tables out?"**

"**Five, if you included ours Miss Evans" said a voice behind her.**

**Turning around, Lily was confronted with a cheerful looking Dumbledore. Dumbledore's presence always made Lily feel nervous. It's not that she didn't like him (because she did very much) but Dumbledore's mere presence made Lily feel incredibly inferior. Lily was in total awe of this magnificent man. She was amazed that he even knew who she was. He just exuded power and wisdom. Lily had always said that if she became half as powerful as Dumbledore then she would consider herself lucky.**

"**Hello Professor" chirped Sirius, brushing the last remaining snowflakes out of his hair. "How are you?"**

"**Fine thank you Mr Black" replied Dumbledore. "I see one Christmas tradition has not gone uncelebrated this year."**

**Sirius laughed and took his seat at the table. Lily just stared at Sirius. How does he do it? He just addressed Dumbledore like he would have done James or Remus! His confidence amazed her.**

"**Are you going to sit down Evans or are you gonna stand there all day?" asked Sirius looking up at Lily from his seat.**

**Lily blushed when she noticed everyone was looking at her.**

"**Oh…yeah" she mumbled taking a seat next to Sirius. **

**Dinner was a happy affair with lots of talk and laughter. Lily noticed that there were only eight students who had decided to stay for the holidays, including her and Sirius. The rest of the table was made up of teachers who had also decided to stay. Once dinner was over, Lily and Sirius trudged back up to the empty Gryffindor Tower and collapsed in front of the roaring fire. They talked all night about everything from school, to their families to their dreams for the future.**

'**We get on so well' thought Lily 'Its so hard knowing I cant have him'**

**Finally the conversation came around to their relationships. This is where the conversation became uncomfortable. **

"**So…how's things going with you and Rachel?"**

**Lily noticed Sirius shift in his seat. Lily smiled,**

"**They were going to come up eventually. We can't just ignore their existence"**

"**I guess. Well…it's going good actually. Rachel's a nice girl."**

**Lily sighed. "Yeah she is"**

"**So how are things with Gerald?"**

"**Yeah, they're ok."**

"**Just ok?"**

"**Well…I don't know." Sighed Lily. "I just feel…"**

**Lily looked at Sirius; his face a mixture of light and shadow but full of attention.**

"**What?"**

"**Have you ever loved someone so much that it physically hurts? That you can't imagine a day when you won't see them or hear their voice?"**

"**Yeah, yeah I have" mumbled Sirius**

**Lily paused for a moment. 'He really loves her' she thought. 'To feel like that he must really love her.'**

"**But I don't feel that with Gerald!" Said Lily out loud. "I know I should cos he's my boyfriend but I just don't. Does that make me a bad person for staying with him?"**

**Tears began to well in Lily's eyes. Sirius leaned forward and pulled her into a hug.**

"**No of course it doesn't"**

**Lily began to sob into Sirius's chest. 'He's being so understanding and I just feel awful. Yearning for a mate's boyfriend? What kind of friend am I?' Lily cried harder as Sirius pulled her closer to him.**

…………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The topic had just become uncomfortable.

"So how's things going with you and Rachel?" asked Lily

Sirius felt uncomfortable talking to Lily about his relationship with Rachel. Lily must have noticed this because she said

"They were going to come up eventually. We can't just ignore their existence"

"I guess. Well…it's going good actually. Rachel's a nice girl."

This wasn't a complete lie. Sirius did like Rachel and their relationship was going well. Anxious to get rid of this feeling of guilt that had begun to form in his stomach, Sirius asked Lily about her and Gerald.

"Yeah, they're ok."

Sirius wasn't convinced.

"Just ok?"

"Well…I don't know." Sighed Lily. "I just feel…"

"What?"

"Have you ever loved someone so much that it physically hurts? That you can't imagine a day when you won't see them or hear their voice?"

That feeling of guilt had begun to grow in the pit of his stomach again

"Yeah, yeah I have" mumbled Sirius

"But I don't feel that with Gerald!" Said Lily. "I know I should cos he's my boyfriend but I just don't. Does that make me a bad person for staying with him?"

Sirius looked at Lily, her voice shook with every word she said. Sirius reached out and pulled her into a hug. Lily began to cry into his chest. Sirius pulled her closer to him. All he wanted to do was protect her and keep her safe. He hated seeing her so upset and knowing there was nothing he could do about it.

Time passed quickly and it soon became obvious to Sirius that Lily had fallen asleep. He could hear her soft breathing on his chest and see her eyelids flickering as she slept. Sirius lay Lily down on the sofa and covered her with a blanket. The light from the fire caught the golden flecks in Lily's hair and made it come alive. Sirius stroked her hair before kissing her on the forehead. He was about to make his way up the stairs when he heard Lily whisper,

"Don't go, stay with me"

Sirius turned around and looked at Lily. She had her hand outstretched towards him.

He moved towards Lily and sat down in the armchair opposite her. Lily smiled and closed her eyes. Sirius however remained awake all night, just sitting there by the fire, watching her sleep.


	16. Dumbledore's Absence

**Christmas had arrived at Hogwarts and Lily had woken up to find that it had been snowing again, blanketing the ground in white powder. Lily lay there in bed for a while remembering last night. She had poured her heart out to Sirius and he was a perfect gentleman listening to her and comforting her when she needed it most. She loved him so much. Yes she loved him! She had realized this last night when she was talking to him. It was no longer a crush she had. Suddenly a voice sounded from somewhere **

"**Hey Evans its Christmas Day! Come on, get up!"**

**With great effort, Lily dragged herself out of bed, pulled on some clothes and opened her dormitory door. Standing there at the bottom of the stairs was Sirius, grinning from ear to ear. Lily couldn't remember a time she saw him so excited.**

"**Come on Evans. I'm dying to open my presents."**

"**Ok I'll meet you in the common room in five minutes."**

"**No, come to my dormitory, the common rooms cold. Hurry up!"**

**Lily sighed and disappeared back into her room to wash. Ten minutes later, Lily appeared in the boy's dormitory. Lily had never seen the boy's room before so was interested to see what it was like. It wasn't much different to hers. The boys didn't seem to have as many personal effects she and the other girls did but it was homely nonetheless. Sirius was sitting on what Lily assumed was his bed surrounded by unopened presents. He looked up as she entered the room.**

"**Five minutes you said, I've been waiting fifteen." Exclaimed Sirius**

"**You liar! I was ten minutes at the most" retorted Lily walking towards Sirius**

"**Well that's still not five is it?" he teased**

"**It takes time to pull off a look like this!"**

**Lily saw Sirius look her up and down **

"**Maybe you should have taken that extra five minutes!"**

**Lily slapped him on the arm before taking a seat on the bed**

"**Now, Now, isn't this what happened last time? We don't want anymore injuries this Christmas do we?"**

**Lily laughed and sat cross-legged on the bed.**

"**So what did you get for Christmas then?" asked Lily**

"**I don't know! I was waiting for you! Where are your presents?"**

"**Oh gosh, I've left them in the dormitory"**

**Sirius let out an exasperated sigh**

"**Well go and get them then! Hurry up!"**

**Lily sprinted out of the room, took the stairs two at a time up to her dormitory, and ran back to Sirius's room with an arm full of presents.**

"**Good. Now we can get to the good part" cried Sirius once Lily had taken her place on the bed again. And with that both she and Sirius began ripping open their presents**.

**Once all the presents had been opened, Lily and Sirius sat and talked all morning. They played games such as, 'I went to the Quidditch World Cup and I brought…' and 'I Have Never…' and ate the sweets and chocolate various friends had given them.**

"**Ok my turn" said Sirius "I went to the Quidditch World Cup and I brought an action man, a broomstick, a cauldron and…some dungbombs"**

"**Hmm. I went to the Quidditch World Cup and I brought an action man, a broomstick, a cauldron, some dungbombs and some eggnog"**

"**What the hell is eggnog? I'm sure you're making some of these up. Eggnog and Action Man, what will be next, a fire enjine"**

"**Its fire _engine_ actually and these are all real things in the Muggle world."**

"**You're making them up"**

"**I most certainly am not" said Lily in a mock dignified voice. "Just because you know nothing about the Muggle world, does not mean they don't exist.**

**Sirius grinned at her.**

"**Ok ok we'll except Action man and eggnog but no more Muggle artifacts allowed agreed?"**

"**Agreed." Said Lily putting an edible Sugarsnake into her mouth "It's your turn"**

**The morning continued in this fashion until it was time for dinner.**

**Lily followed Sirius down the stairs into the Entrance Hall. The Great Hall looked the same as it did the night before except that there was a visible exception from the party.**

"**Where's Professor Dumbledore?" asked Sirius taking his seat at the table.**

"**He's been called away on urgent business for the Ministry of Magic, not that it is any of your concern Black" said the stern voice of Professor McGonagall, Hogwarts' deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor house.**

**Lily looked at Sirius. He had his eyes furrowed as if he too was wondering what could be so urgent that it called Dumbledore away from Hogwarts on Christmas Day.**

**Lily's spirits were some what dampened by what Professor McGonagall had said. Lily was worried. She wasn't sure why but she felt that something was being kept from her. Throughout dinner, Lily cast looks across the table at Professor McGonagall who, although entering the festivities of the day, was looking very grave. **

**Once dinner was over, Lily dragged Sirius up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower.**

"**Hey Evans where's the fire?" gasped Sirius as Lily pushed him through the portrait hole and onto the sofa.**

"**I didn't want to be overheard."**

"**Overheard saying what?"**

"**Oh come on! Dumbledore missing on Christmas Day! I know you find this as strange as I do."**

**Sirius's brow creased again, frowning.**

"**Yeah it is a bit odd. But Dumbledore is a busy man. He is not only headmaster of Hogwarts."**

"**Ok. How do you explain McGonagall's mood then? She was definitely worried about something."**

"**Hmmmm"**

"**Is that all you've got to say!" exclaimed Lily**

"**Well I don't really know what else to say Evans. I mean there is nothing we can do while we are here. Hogwarts might as well be completely cut off from the rest of the wizarding world. We are so isolated here that we don't know half of what is going on outside of these grounds."**

"**I'm gonna take out a subscription with the Daily Prophet. That should keep us up to date with anything that is going on in the rest of the country."**

"**I don't see what use it's gonna do us, but you go ahead." He added hastily seeing the look of fury on Lily's face.**

"**There is definitely something going on and I plan to find out what it is."**

**Sirius grinned and replied, "Come on let's finish that game, I went to the Quidditch World Cup and I brought…."**

…………………………………………………………………………………………

However much he tried to play down Dumbledore's absence, Sirius too was worried. Unlike Lily, Sirius had been in the Wizarding world all summer and he did read the Daily Prophet (he liked to do the crosswords but never told anyone else this). There had been some strange disappearances and Sirius noticed that James's parents were acting very oddly. Of course whenever he or James questioned them about their behaviour, he got the distinct impression that they were hiding something from them. Usually this didn't worry him or James but whenever anything was mentioned in the newspaper or some bizarre event occurred, the worry would begin to increase. Sirius's parents did not seem too bothered by whatever was going on which made Sirius even more worried. Sirius's family had always felt themselves to be above certain witches and wizard because they were what they called 'pure blood'. People like Sirius's parents believed that magic should be kept in all magic families (hence the term, pure blood) and refrained from socializing with half bloods or (even worse) Muggle borns. Sirius had always felt that this belief was ridiculous and often argued with his parents about this it. It was this very subject that had caused the final argument and separation between Sirius and his mother.

Sirius could not help noticing that most of the attacks or disappearances reported were directed towards those who were known to be Muggle born or were in fact Muggles themselves. It was this topic that stopped Sirius from telling Lily everything he knew about what was going on outside of Hogwarts. Sirius and James had spoken about it many times but did not mention it to anyone else. James, like Sirius was from a pure blood family so deep down they did not feel threatened by what was going on but Sirius was only too aware of the fact that Remus was a half blood and that Lily was a Muggle born.

…………………………………………………………………………………………


	17. Rachel's Return

Christmas was now over and the rest of the school had returned to Hogwarts full of stories of the holidays.

"Padfoot man, Mr and Mrs White were SOOO boring! I think I must have died from boredom at least three times over the holidays; it's a miracle I'm still alive really!" cried James flopping himself down on his bed. "You were so lucky to have stayed here. I hear Evans was here too?"

"Yeah she was" replied Sirius grinning at his best mate "We had a real laugh!"

"Oh really?" teased Remus, who was unpacking his trunk on the other side of the room.

"Shut up Moony!" yelled Sirius chucking a pillow at Remus.

"I can't believe you got to spend the entire holidays with Lily Evans while I had to endure Mr and Mrs Dull!" cried James in mock despair. "I could have used that time to make her see what a catch I am!"

"Well I'm sure she would have loved your modesty Prongs!" exclaimed Sirius laughing at James's confidence.

There was a sudden knock at the door, which Sirius ran to answer whilst ducking a flying pair of socks aimed at him by James. Laughing, Sirius ripped open the door to find Rachel standing there looking, well… gorgeous. She had had some sort of makeover over the holidays. She had always been pretty but now she was stunning. Her hair had been dyed a gorgeous chestnut brown and cut so that her hair framed the front of her face. She was wearing clothes that showed of her beautiful figure to perfection and her face was glowing with health.

Sirius stood there, completely stunned at the gorgeous girl in front of him. Rachel however draped her arms around Sirius's neck and pulled his head towards hers catching his mouth in a passionate kiss. When she pulled away, Sirius just stood there, his mouth hanging open in complete shock. The whoops and cheers of his mates brought Sirius back to reality. Closing the door to the dormitory behind him Sirius stood there looking at Rachel. Rachel began to laugh

"Well are you gonna say anything or are you gonna continue standing there gapping at me?"

"I….I don't really know what to say!" said Sirius running his hand through his hair in shock.

"Well you could say I look nice" teased Rachel, twirling around so that Sirius could get the full effect of the look.

"Nice would be an understatement! You look GORGEOUS!"

"Now that's the sort of thing a girl wants to hear from her boyfriend!" laughed Rachel, snaking her arms around Sirius's waist. Sirius returned the gesture and put his arms around Rachel's slender waist, smiling mischievously at Rachel

"What's going through your head now?" asked Rachel

"Things that would make you blush if I told you about them!" whispered Sirius, planting butterfly kisses on Rachel's neck. Sirius could hear Rachel breathing deeply letting out an occasional quiet moan. He could feel Rachel's arms under his shirt, traveling up his back, pulling him closer to her body. Sirius continued kissing her neck moving slowly down towards her collarbone.

The noise of a door knob turning jolted the pair of them back to reality. Out of the dormitory behind them walked Remus, James and Peter. Sirius had positioned himself against the wall in an attempt to look casual with Rachel standing just in front of him. He knew they must both look flustered. This was confirmed when James walked past them down the stairs but not before giving Sirius a quick wink. Once they were gone, Sirius stood there a moment looking at Rachel. He wasn't sure what to do now. Did she want to go downstairs with the others? Sirius wasn't given much time to ponder this question as Rachel turned to him and pulled the front of his shirt towards her, catching him in another passionate kiss. Sirius returned the kiss and began to fiddle with the doorknob behind him. Finally, the knob turned and swung the door open. Sirius snaked his arms back around Rachel's waist leading her into the now deserted bedroom.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

**The whole school had returned and the Gryffindor common room was once again alive with the buzz of activity, homework that had not been completed, people chatting to their friends; exchanging holiday stories. Lily was glad to have Helen back. She was very concerned about Dumbledore's absence over the holidays and wanted to run it by Helen. If she was overreacting as Sirius seemed to think she might be then she would let it go but until she got Helen's opinion then she was not prepared to give it up.**

**Speaking to Helen would have to wait though as just as she was about to bring up the subject, Rachel came through the portrait hole and to say she looked different would have been an understatement. She had obviously had some sort of makeover and she looked absolutely stunning.**

"**WOW Rachel!" exclaimed Lily "You look amazing!"**

"**Thanks Lil. It was a Christmas present from my great uncle. I wasn't sure whether to be offended or not at first" laughed Rachel "but it seems to have worked out ok doesn't it?"**

"**Yeah definitely" replied Helen "has Sirius seen you yet?"**

"**No I was gonna find him now. Do you know where he is?"**

"**Yeah he's in his dormitory. The lads are all back from their holiday too" supplied Lily**

"**My God! Sirius will not be able to keep his hands to himself when he sees you!" smirked Helen**

"**Well that's the plan!" grinned Rachel as she began to ascend the stairs leading to the boy's dormitory.**

"**She's unbelievable that one!" laughed Helen**

"**Yeah" murmured Lily**

**Lily felt a pang of jealousy and hurt. She knew she had Gerald but she knew now that she really wanted Sirius.**

"**So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" said Helen, turning her attention back to Lily.**

"**What? Oh yeah"**

**Lily proceeded to tell Helen all that had occurred over the Christmas holidays.**

"**So? Dumbledore's an important figure in the wizarding world"**

"**But to be called away on Christmas DAY! Don't you think that it's a bit odd?"**

**Helen's brow furrowed as she thought about it**

"**I guess it is a bit but that doesn't necessary mean that anything bad is going on."**

"**It's not so much Dumbledore's absence that bothers me; it is more McGonagall's expression when Sirius asked where he was. I don't think I've ever seen her so grave."**

"**Hmm. Well even if there is something going on it is none of our business. You can be sure Lily that if it was that important Dumbledore would tell us himself."**

**Lily had to concede that that was true and agreed to let it rest until something else happened. Lily's thoughts were interrupted once more by Helen asking what she had been up to over the holidays.**

"**Nothing really. Just hanging out with Sirius."**

"**Why do I get the impression you are keeping something from me! You have been distant since I came back."**

"**I've just been worried about the Dumbledore thing……………….and I think I'm gonna break up with Gerald."**

"**Why?" spluttered Helen "I thought you were really into him."**

"**Yeah well I'm not. I've been thinking about it a lot over the holidays" Lily's eyes traveled over to the bottom of the stairs where Sirius and Rachel had just appeared, holding hands "and I just think it's unfair to keep him hanging on when I know I'm not really into him." **

**Lily could see Helen following her gaze and arriving at Sirius and Rachel. Lily bowed her head and looked at her hands. **

"**Oh Lily! I thought you were over that!" she exclaimed.**

"**I am" replied Lily with a less then convincing tone.**

"**Look, he's with Rachel now. Move on sweetie, nothing is going to happen between the two of you."**

"**I know, I know I am moving on. It's just not that easy."**

"**I know honey, I know" said Helen comfortingly giving her best friend a big hug. **

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	18. Gerald's Anguish

**Lily had not dreaded anything more then trying to tell Gerald that it was over. She knew she had been a bitch and sincerely wanted to remain friends with Gerald but whenever she had practiced what she was gonna say, it just sounded like the usual brush off. She might as well have told him that 'it's not you, it's me' (which ironically was also true.) She had decided that she was gonna get him alone at breakfast and tell him then. Yet when she got into the great hall she found that he was surrounded by his fellow Ravenclaws. When she got to the Ravenclaw table she saw that Gerald was hunched over with his head on the table.**

"**What's happened?" Lily asked **

**Tony Roberts, Gerald's best friend took Lily by the arm and led her away from the group of people who had formed a circle around him.**

"**Gerald's sister has been attacked!"**

"**Oh my God!" cried Lily, clutching her mouth in horror.**

**Tony cast a look back at the group who were all looking at the two of them and led her out into the Entrance Hall.**

"**She is in St Mungo's hospital at the moment."**

"**Is she gonna be alright?" asked Lily**

"**I don't know. She was badly hurt that's all I know."**

"**What happened to her?"**

"**That's the weird thing Dumbledore wouldn't tell me.**

"**What? Why?"**

"**I asked him what had happened and he just said that she was badly hurt and is in St Mungo's. He said that is all that we needed to know."**

"**She's older then him isn't she?"**

"**Yeah she is 25. She works in the Ministry of Magic."**

"**Bloody hell!" sighed Lily**

"**He's gonna need you, now more then ever Lily"**

**Lily felt guilty after remembering what she had gone over to tell him.**

"**Lily? You there?"**

"**Sorry, yeah of course I'll be there for him."**

**Tony smiled. "I knew you would be. He likes you very much you know."**

**Lily couldn't say anything and just smiled as Tony went back into the great hall. She was an awful person. She soon followed Tony back into the great hall and with a glance and the Ravenclaw table she went and sat down at the Gryffindor table. Helen soon joined her at the table.**

"**So, how'd it go?"**

**Lily pulled a face. Helen laughed and looked over at the Ravenclaw table and to the collection of people still surrounding Gerald.**

"**My gosh did he take it that bad?"**

"**His sisters been attacked. She's in St Mungo's. It's really bad."**

"**Oh my god. Is she gonna be ok?" exclaimed Helen.**

"**I don't know. **

**This is not a good day for him then."**

"**I can't tell him now can I?"**

"**True. Sorry Lils."**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"I wonder what's going on over there!" said James, nodding his head over to the Ravenclaw table whilst he piled large quantities of eggs and bacon on his plate.

Sirius who was sitting opposite him, turned around to see what his best friend was talking about. He saw a large congregation of people circled around someone although Sirius could not see who that person was.

"I dunno, but something major must have happened. I've never seen the Ravenclaw's look so upset.

"Well I don't know about that. When we won the Quidditch Cup last year they looked pretty miserable!" replied James smirking

Sirius sniggered and looked back at the collection of people hanging around. It was then that he noticed Lily come into the hall. She looked upset and went and sat down with Helen a few seats down from where he and James sat. He saw Lily have a few hurried words with Helen. Suddenly something occurred to him.

"Hey Evans!" Sirius called down the table. Lily looked up with tears in her eyes. Sirius beckoned her over to where he was sitting. Both Lily and Helen shuffled down the table and sat with the two boys.

"So what's going on over there?" Sirius flicked his head back to indicate the crowd of people who had still not dispersed (if anything they had grown in volume) "Can you go and ask Gerald?"

"I don't need to ask Gerald I already know" replied Lily, the tears in her eyes now rolling gently down her cheek. "Gerald's sister has been attacked."

"Jesus, is she ok?"

"I don't know. She's in St Mungo's at the moment. Apparently it's really bad"

James whistled under his breath while Sirius didn't know what to do. Lily was still sobbing. He hated seeing her like this. Her beautiful face all red and blotchy, her eyes flooded with tears. On instinct he reached out and pulled her into a hug. This didn't seem to have the desired affect. Instead of feeling comforted, Lily seemed to be worse. As Lily wept uncontrollably into his chest, Sirius realised the inappropriateness of the situation. Something had clicked inside of him, something that had been absent for some time. He released Lily and picked up a napkin from the table and gave it to her to dry her face with.

"Come on James, we've got Arithmacy" said Sirius as he stood up. "Take care Lily"

James mumbled an apology and got up and followed his best mate out of the hall.

"What was all that about Padfoot?" asked James as they ascended the stairs

"I hate being around emotional girls you know that! I never know what to do or say. Most of the time it's wrong so I like to make a quick exit before I stick my foot in it properly"

"That is true. You do have a habit of saying and doing the wrong thing." Laughed James. "Except with Rachel that is!"

Sirius grinned as he saw his mate look sideways at him with questioning eyes. He knew what he wanted to know. He had wanted to know ever since he had come back for the holidays. So far Sirius had managed to steer the subject away from that night but he knew from the look on James face that this was the one time he wasn't going to give up. Sirius decided to bite

"What is that supposed to mean?" he retorted in mock surprise

"You know exactly what it means." Laughed James, knowing that Sirius was leading him on. "So you gonna tell me what happened then?"

"Lets just say, what you guys saw when you opened the door on us was just a warm up."

"I knew it!" yelled James punching the air with his fist. "So was she any good?"

"You can't ask me that!" cried Sirius.

"Yes I can. It's a best friend's provocative"

"I never asked you about Leanne"

"Well I have no problem telling you that she was crap"

Sirius burst out laughing at his mate's frankness.

"Well… she's a right little goer actually. She took the lead the whole time. I don't think I was the first and I'm sure I won't be the last."

"Was she better then Alice?"

"Sshhh!" said Sirius looking around him. "I told you no one knows about that"

"Well was she?" Whispered James

"God yeah. I have a feeling I was one of Alice's first's (if not the first). With Alice it was all fumbly if you know what I mean?"

"Yeah I know. Tasha was like that." Said James thoughtfully.

Sirius started laughing. "You know mate, between the two of us we will have slept with the whole year if we are not careful."

"Yeah" sniggered James "we probably will. But I'd give it all up in a second if I thought Lily would consider going out with me."

Sirius turned to face his mate who looked crestfallen.

"But until then I'm gonna enjoy myself with whomever I please." Added James as they stepped onto the third floor and outside the Arithmacy classroom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….


	19. A New Start

**Lily felt awful. Everybody was comforting her but she kept telling them it's not her who needs the comforting, that it was Gerald that needed their sympathy. Lily had spoken to Gerald briefly before going to her first class. He was a wreck. His eyes which once sparkled with laughter were now puffy and full of despair. He did not know what to do with himself. He kept rambling that he would have to find someone to cover the Quidditch practice that evening and that he had forgotten his transfiguration book before sobbing again. Lily hated seeing him like this. She hated that there was nothing that she could do for him. Dumbledore had said he could go home but Gerald had decided to stay at Hogwarts.**

**She did not understand this. Surely he would be better off being round the people he loved.**

_**He is. He's with you.**_

**This made Lily feel even worse. How could she be there for him when deep down she knew that the only reason she was still with him was because of a horrible coincidence? Fate really was playing with Lily and she knew that she deserved it. She had toyed with Gerald from the beginning and now was the time to deal with it once and for all. She vowed to put Sirius out of her mind properly and concentrate on helping her boyfriend get through what was going to be one of the darkest periods in his life.**

**It was lunch before Lily had a chance to speak to Gerald again. As she scanned the Ravenclaw table she felt a tap on the shoulder. Turning around she was confronted with none other then Professor Dumbledore.**

"**May I have a word Miss Evans?"**

"**Of course" replied Lily.**

**Dumbledore smiled; his eyes usually twinkling with excitement now tainted with sorrow peered at Lily over the top of his half moon spectacles.**

"**Please follow me" **

**Dumbledore lead them into an empty classroom and opened the door for Lily. Lily thanked him and took a seat at one of the vacant desks. It looked to Lily like this classroom was very rarely used as it was quite dusty and had the general appearance of room that had been abandoned for some time.**

**Dumbledore took the seat opposite Lily and began to survey her again over the top of his glasses. It was a few moments before he began to speak.**

"**I am sure you have heard about the attack on Mr Fern's sister Catherine."**

**Lily nodded, averting her eyes from Dumbledore's which still continued to survey her closely.**

"**Well he is going to need all the help and support of all his friends to get him through this. I'm sure you also know that I suggested that he go home and be with his family." **

**Lily nodded again as small lump now formed in her throat.**

"**He decided not to go home because he was certain you and Tony would be there for him."**

**When Dumbledore said this, a small tear escaped from Lily's eye and rolled down her cheek onto her lap. Seeing that Lily was not going to respond, Dumbledore continued talking.**

"**Now for his friends to be there for him, they must be able to have access to everywhere he has access to. Now for Tony this is no problem but as you and Gerald are in different houses you must have access to the Ravenclaw common room."**

**Lily looked up, surprise etched all over her tear stained face.**

"**Bbuttt….. I don't know where the Ravenclaw common room is, or what their password is!" exclaimed Lily.**

**Dumbledore smiled again and passed Lily a piece of parchment with a few lines written on it.**

**Lily took the parchment and read the lines to herself.**

_**The entrance to the Ravenclaw common room is to be found on the fourth floor corridor next to the portrait of Fredrick the Forgetful. If you knock three times on the left hand side of Fredrick's portrait another portrait will appear. This is Ingrid the Invisible. She will ask you for the password.**_

_**The Password at the moment is "Wombat"**_

**Lily read the lines over and over again. Once she had memorized the whole passage she passed the parchment back to Dumbledore who immediately set alight to it. Something was still bothering Lily.**

"**Professor Dumbledore Sir, Can I ask you a question?"**

"**I believe you just have Miss Evans but I shall permit you ask another" replied Dumbledore smiling again as he made to get up. **

"**What exactly happened to Catherine?"**

**The smile vanished from Dumbledore's mouth and was replaced with a frown. He was not angry; he seemed to be contemplating his answer. He was silent for a few minutes before replying.**

"**Miss Fern was, is, a very considerate person. She could never stand by and allow prejudice to occur so blatantly in front of her even if it meant that she was hurt in the process."**

"**I don't understand."**

**Dumbledore sighed and began stroking his beard, apparently deep in thought. Lily did not know what to make of his statement about Catherine. Did this have something to do with Dumbledore's absence over the Christmas holidays? Lily's thoughts were interrupted by Dumbledore speaking again.**

"**You will have the answer to that and many other questions in due course, but for now I must beg you Miss Evans not to repeat anything that has been said (or read) in this room. Do you understand?"**

"**Yes I understand."**

**Dumbledore moved over to the classroom door and opened it.**

"**I am sorry to have taken up so much of your free time Miss Evans but I think you have enough time to have something to eat before you go to your afternoon classes."**

**And with that Dumbledore disappeared around the door. Lily's head was spinning. What did Dumbledore mean you will have answers to that and many other questions in due course? Was he going to tell them what was so important that it took him away from school at Christmas? Was she finally going to find out what the big secret was?**

**Lily soon found herself in the Great Hall. She had been so absorbed in her own thoughts she had not noticed where her feet were taking her. Looking over to the Ravenclaw table she saw Gerald sitting on his own with a plate full of food in front of him, barely touched. Lily went and sat next to him linking her arm around his. Gerald began to sob again and buried his face in Lily's shoulder. As Lily comforted him she saw Sirius walk into the hall with Remus and James. Sirius looked over at them and smiled before sitting with his back to them on the Gryffindor table. Lily was determined to be there for Gerald and to show Dumbledore that his faith in her was not unfounded. From now on Sirius Black was nothing to Lily Evans anymore.**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sirius had been thinking a lot about the reputation he and James had. Although he had had fun building up this carefree confident persona, he had now come to realise that he really didn't want to be that person anymore. He was getting older now and he wanted to be a person worthy of loving and being loved back. He was having a great time with Rachel. She was a beautiful girl and was fun to be around. They had been going out for nearly four months now which was Sirius's longest relationship yet he wasn't sure that Rachel was where he wanted to be. It was coming to the end of January when Sirius finally decided to speak to Rachel about their relationship.

It was late in Gryffindor tower and the common room was very quiet as most people had gone to bed. Sirius and Rachel were still up as were James and Remus. Peter had gone to bed earlier that night as he said he wasn't feeling very well. Sirius was desperate to speak to Rachel so he tried everything he could think of to get the other two to disappear. When they finally got the message Sirius began to think how he could bring up the subject.Suddenly Rachel turned, straddled Sirius and began to kiss the side of his neck. Sirius grabbed hold of her arms to stop her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"I saw you trying to get the boys out of the room earlier so that we could be alone." Replied Rachel in a sultry voice as she began to undo the fastenings on Sirius's trousers.

Sirius grabbed hold of her hands and looked deep into her eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she swung her leg off of him and sat next to him on the sofa.

"I did want us to be alone….but not so that we could have sex." Said Sirius as Rachel went to kiss him again.

"I don't understand." Exclaimed Rachel.

Sirius stood up and turned to face Rachel. She was sitting on the sofa staring at him as if he had just told her that he was an alien. He didn't know where to start but it became obvious that he had to say something soon.

"I've been thinking recently about what I want from life."

"God, that's deep for a seventeen year old boy" said Rachel sarcastically. "Seventeen year old boys are supposed to be having fun."

"I've had my fun. That's the point. I've been having fun for the past 6 years."

"What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing, it's just that at some stage you have to grow up."

"But we are young; we don't have to think about growing up yet. We've ages before we have to start thinking about the future."

"That's the thing Rachel, we don't. Look at Gerald's sister. She's not much older then us and she is lying in St Mungos, her life hanging in the balance."

"But that's not gonna happen to us!" cried Rachel

"How do you know that? Are you a Seer?"

"No but…"

"Exactly! No one knows what the future holds and I don't want to die knowing that I was living a lie."

"What do you mean?" Said Rachel, her voice quivering slightly.

Sirius came and sat down next to her.

"This is not the person I am. I'm not as confident and self assured as everybody seems to think I am."

"Well that's a shame cos I kinda like that person."

Sirius stared at Rachel. She did not understand. If she had she would never have said that. Sirius bowed his head not really knowing what to say.

"It's over isn't it?" said Rachel quietly

Sirius nodded. "It has to be."

"Well, that is a shame. I've had fun Sirius Black."

Sirius smiled as Rachel kissed him on the cheek.

"You're a gorgeous girl Rachel Worthing."

"I know" said Rachel as she headed towards the dormitory stairs. Are you sure you don't want to join me?"

"Goodnight Rachel"

"Well it was worth a try" she said as she disappeared up the stairs.

Sirius smiled as he sat in the deserted common room. Although he was sure he had done the right thing, he had never felt so alone and unsure in all his life. As he sat there, the portrait hole opened and Lily appeared in the common room. Sirius saw Lily start as she walked towards the stairs leading to the girl's dormitory.

"What are you still doing up? Its really late you know!" she exclaimed as she approached the sofa Sirius was sitting on.

"I might ask you the same question."

"Oh I was doing some work in the library."

"But you haven't got any books"

"Erm yeah I know. It was just reference stuff."

Sirius studied Lily for a moment. She looked like she was hiding something but he decided not to press it. If she wanted to tell him then she could, he wasn't going to force it out of her.

"So how's Gerald doing?"

Lily sighed "He's not good. Catherine, that's his sister, she is still critical in St Mungos and he's beside himself."

Sirius looked at Lily who had taken a seat next to him on the sofa. This wasn't just taking its toll on Gerald it was wearing out Lily too. Tiredness was etched all over Lily's face. Sirius could see the bags forming under her eyes from lack of sleep.

"You've got to remember to take care of yourself too Lily. You look awful!"

"Thanks Mr Diplomatic."

"I didn't mean to like that" said Sirius quickly, hoping he didn't cause any offence. He really was bad around emotional girls.

Lily smiled. "It's ok. I know I look awful. I'm just so tired."

"So what are you doing up so late? You should be in bed"

"I've gotta do my work too Black. We aren't all bless with beauty and brains, some of us have to work for them"

"Well I don't believe that for a second." Replied Sirius before realising what he had said.

Lily turned sharply and looked at him; her emerald green eyes searching his face.

"So how are things with you and Rachel?" said Lily suddenly

"Well we've split up"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah we both wanted different things from life and our relationships soit was better that we went our own separate ways."

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. It had run its course that's all."

Sirius looked at Lily who was staring into the dying embers of the fire, her hands clasped in front of her.

"Well I guess I'd better get to bed otherwise I'm gonna look even worse in the morning." Said Lily teasingly as she made to get up off the sofa.

Sirius laughed quietly to himself as Lily moved towards the stairs.

"Good night Lily"

Lily turned and smiled

"Night Sirius."

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	20. The Valentine's Day Surprise

The beginning of February passed in a whirl and all too soon it was Valentine's Day. Sirius usually dreaded this day as it meant he had to take the girl he was seeing at the time out and buy her a present. Sirius was not tight with his money. He had enough of it but always felt guilty buying a present of someone he would break up with a few days later. However this time it was different. He wasn't going out with anyone so he could enjoy the day guilt free. Sirius went to breakfast with James and Peter and entered the hall just as the post was arriving. Sirius smiled as he looked around and saw various people ripping open their mail, hoping to find a valentine from the person they were going out with or from a secret admirer. When he sat down, Sirius was surprised to find a card waiting from him at the table. Immediately Sirius turned to James.

"Think you're funny do ya?" said Sirius grinning at James.

"I dunno what you're talking about Padfoot!" replied James taking his seat opposite Sirius.

Sirius waved the card in front of James.

"Look I'm flattered and everything, but you're just not my type"

Peter began to giggle but soon stopped when he saw Sirius and James staring at him in surprise.

"I'm serious Padfoot, I don't know anything about it mate!" said James in a some what bemused voice.

Sirius frowned

"So who sent it then?"

"Well if you opened it you might find out" retorted James staring across the table at Sirius.

Sirius tore the seal, opened the card and read its contents.

"Well….what does it say?" prompted James.

Sirius just stared at the card and automatically passed it to James who took it and read it out loud.

_Dearest Sirius_

_We haven't known each other very long but we have grown close this year and I want you to know that I will always be here, if you want me!_

_Lots of Love_

_Your Secret Admirer!_

_X X X_

Once James had finished reading, he looked at Sirius and burst out laughing.

"Thanks mate" said Sirius, punching James on the arm.

"Well, it's just the look on your face." Replied James through tears of laughter. "I don't know what to say"

James began laughing hysterically again leaving Sirius to dwell on the author of the card. Who had sent it? Did he know them? Judging by what was written in the card, they seemed to think so.

_We have grown close this year_

Who has he become close to this year? It was as though a light bulb had turned on inside his head. Sirius turned and looked down the Gryffindor table. At the far end he saw Helen talking to Lily who was not listening to her; instead she was staring down the table to where he and James sat. When she saw him looking, she turned her attention to Helen. No, it couldn't have been! She wouldn't have sent him a valentine, not now! But it all fitted. He hadn't known her very long and they had become close since the start of term. Was she saying that she wanted to be with him? But she was with someone else? Sirius's head began to ache with all the thoughts that were flying around inside his brain. Sirius needed to think properly. He made to stand up but James's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey! Where you going?" exclaimed James though a mouthful of food.

Sirius made an excuse about having a headache and went to have a walk around the grounds.

It was extremely cold outside. The snow had melted and disappeared to be replaced with a bitter wind that went right through you. Sirius made his way across the lawn towards the lake, which was still frozen and reflecting the weak rays of sunshine that managed to escape from behind the clouds. Just when he thought life couldn't get any more complicated it does. What was he going to do? _Do you want to be with Lily?_ He didn't know. If you had asked him this very question a few months ago he would have answered yes immediately but things were different now. He had been with Rachel so long he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. Actually that was a lie. If he was honest it had always been Lily but he had done such a good job of lying to everyone that he had almost convinced himself. The truth was he wished there was no James and no Gerald because he knew that if they weren't around he and Lily would have been together ages ago.

It was hard for Sirius to admit this as without James he would be all on his own with no family. _Lily could have been your family _Sirius shook his head hoping to get rid of those thoughts that were betraying his best mate however they remained there as Sirius continued walking around the grounds. There in the back of his mind were the thoughts that gnawed away at him reminding him that if it hadn't been for James, he would be with Lily now. But would he? How could he be so sure that she still wanted to be with him? _The valentine._ That could be from anyone _No it couldn't._

Sirius began to make his way back up to Gryffindor tower. When he got there he realized that he didn't actually want to be around all the couples who seemed to have multiplied over night so he made his way over to the stairs and up to his room. He knew the rest of the boys in the room were still downstairs eating breakfast so was surprised to find the door to the dormitory unlocked. All the boys were very careful about locking the door to the dormitory since one of Frank's family heirlooms went missing in the fourth year. Sirius opened the door to find the hangings closed on his bed (which wasn't how he had left them). As he approached the bed he smelt the scent of a ladies perfume: a scent that he recognized immediately. With a sigh, he pulled back the hangings and there, lying on his bed was Rachel.

"What are you doing in here?" asked Sirius in exasperation whilst sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"I thought I would give you a Valentine's Day surprise. Surprise." Breathed Rachel as she leant forward to kiss Sirius on the neck. Sirius turned his head away, got up and stared out the window.

"I thought we had agreed that it was over between us?" said Sirius, still staring out of the window.

"It is. But I thought seeing as its Valentines Day and you are all on your own, that I would give you a little treat. Did you like the card?"

Sirius turned round so quickly he gave himself whiplash.

"You sent the card?"

"Of course. I thought you knew. I saw you open the card and look down the table. I thought you'd guessed what the message had meant and when I saw you leave I thought you were going to head straight up here so I made my excuses and left, hoping to meet you on the way. When I saw you weren't here, I thought I'd make myself comfortable until you turned up."

Sirius stared at Rachel not really knowing what to say. So the card wasn't from Lily at all. Someone I've gotten to know since the beginning of term and become close to. It all made sense. He and Rachel had been going out since October which was near the beginning of term and he could not deny that they had become close, well physically at least.

"So, are you coming to bed then?" asked Rachel pulling down the straps of her dress, whilst caressing her skin with her fingertips.

"No Rachel, I'm not. You had better get out of here before the lads come back. I don't want them to see you like this."

Sirius rushed over to the bed and began to pull the hangings closed around his bed.

"I'll leave you to get dressed. I'll be downstairs."

Before Rachel could utter a word in protest, Sirius was out the door and returning to the common room.

Sirius was devastated. It was like he had lost Lily all over again. He wanted to be free of her but he knew now that it would never happen and the more he denied it to himself the more hurt he would feel in the long run. Once entering the common room he found a seat that was not near any smooching couples and contemplated what he was going to do. He knew he could not live without Lily in his life. He loved being around her, talking to her. She was one of the only people he could have a real conversation with, one of thefew people who when asking if you were ok and actually cared about the response. He knew he had handled the situation badly last time so this time he was determined not to do that again. He knew Lily was with Gerald and he was going to respect that and just be what she needed right now, a friend.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….


	21. Guilt and Relief

**Lily woke with a start! She sat bolt upright in her bed, wrenched the hangings open from around her bed and leapt out onto the floor. She was in the middle of putting on her socks when she looked over at the clock on the bedside cabinet: it read 3:45am. Lily let out a deep sigh as she climbed back into bed. It was happening every night now. At first it would only happen when she had gone to bed late but now it was happening whatever time she went to bed. Her mind was so full of lessons, remembering two passwords and making sure she wasn't seen in the Ravenclaw common room that it took her brain a while to wind down after every day. **

**Lily lay looking up at the top of her four poster bed exhausted, wishing sleep to take over her. Sometime around dawn, Lily finally fell into a restless sleep. When she woke up the following morning, it was almost as though she had had no sleep at all. When she had washed and dressed, she made her way down to the Great Hall for breakfast hoping that a good breakfast may wake her up slightly. She sat down in the vacant seat opposite Helen and began helping herself to a bowl of cereal. Helen stared at her for a moment before saying**

"**My God Lily! Did you get any sleep last night?"**

"**Some. Not as much as I would like though"**

"**This is getting silly Lils. You are absolutely exhausted, you're gonna make yourself sick you know! Just go and see Madam Pomfrey. She may be able to give you something to help."**

"**I'm ok Helen; just a bit tired that's all. Stop fussing" **

**Helen opened her mouth as if to retaliate but closed it again, thinking better of it.**

**Lily knew Helen only had her best interests at heart but she could be very demanding at times. Lily hadn't told Helen why she had been staying up so late. She had nearly told her many times but she just could not bring herself to betray Dumbledore's trust.**

"**Come on lets go otherwise we are gonna be late for Charms." Said Lily, finishing her last mouthful of cereal.**

**Helen threw her an exasperated look but got up and followed her nonetheless.**

**No matter what she did, Lily could not concentrate on her work. Her thoughts kept wondering to Gerald and to her bed upstairs and back to Gerald again. He had been really upset last night because he couldn't get his head around one of the Arithmacy formulas. He seemed to be cracking up and although she was there for him, Lily could not see what difference she was making.**

**It was only when the bell rang for the end of lessons that Lily came back into the real world. The whole double period had been a waste of time. Lily was still no nearer to being able to do a Repelling Charm. As she was packing her things away, Professor Filtwick called her to his desk at the front of the class.**

"**Go ahead Helen, I'll catch up with you." Said Lily when she saw Helen lingering at the back of the room. Helen nodded and exited the classroom as Professor Filtwick began to speak.**

"**How are you Lily?" he asked his face full of concern.**

"**I'm ok. A bit tired but other then that alright" **

**Professor Filtwick had never addressed her by her first name before.**

**He shifted upon his column of cushions and spoke again.**

"**Lily, you are one of the brightest girls in the year. Over the past five years, you have shown yourself to be particularly gifted in Charms."**

**Lily blushed red.**

"**However, this year your grades seem to have taken a turn for the worst. Lily at the moment you are failing Charms"**

**Lily could not believe it. She had always worked so hard at school. To be failing was devastating to her.**

"**Professor, my mind has been else where over the past couple of months."**

"**I know. Gerald is very lucky to have you caring for him but you cannot afford to be failing at this stage of your Hogwarts career. If your grades do not pick up before the Easter holidays, then you may not be entered for the exam."**

**Lily felt her eyes begin to sting. Not be able to sit the exam; she would not be able to become an Auror if she didn't have a N.E.W.T in Charms.**

"**Please Sir! I will work harder, I promise. Please let me sit the exam." Cried Lily, tear now rolling down her cheeks.**

"**If you put in the work over the next few months, there is no reason why you wouldn't be able to sit the exam but you are gonna have to work extremely hard."**

"**I will I promise"**

"**Ok. Now you best be going otherwise you are gonna be late for your next lesson."**

**Lily gave Professor Filtwick a watery smile of gratitude before turning around to leave the classroom. Professor Filtwick's next class had already begun to enter the classroom, including Gerald.**

"**Hey you, how's it going?" said Lily, wiping away her tears on her sleeve.**

"**Ok." Replied Gerald quietly. **

"**Well I guess I'll see you in the common room later then" whispered Lily so only Gerald could hear.**

**Gerald merely nodded as he took his seat at the back of the classroom.**

**Lily ran down the corridor towards the library. She did not have another lesson to go to as Herbology was an individual study. Deciding she wanted to be on her own for a while, Lily went into the Restricted Section of the library where she knew she would probably be alone. When she took her seat at the very far end of the library away from everyone else, Lily broke down and sobbed. Failing Charms, how could she be failing Charms? She knew she was a bit behind everyone else with the Repelling Charm but to be failing! Lily felt as though she had let everyone down especially Professor Filtwick, so dedicated the rest of her afternoon to catching up with the theory behind the various Charms they had learnt so far that year.**

**When Lily finally left the library, it was time for dinner so she headed straight down to the Great Hall. The Hall was full when she arrived there. Scanning the Gryffindor table for someone she knew, her eyes fell upon Sirius, Remus, James and Peter. Forgetting her loathing of James, she sat down next to Remus, pulled the nearest plate of food towards her and began spooning it out onto her plate.**

"**Hey Evans, how's life treating you?" said James brightly.**

"**Please don't call me Evans, James" replied Lily wearily.**

"**Oh yeah, sorry" mumbled James**

"**Are you alright Lily? You don't look very well." Asked Remus, obviously deeply concerned.**

**Lily smiled weakly. "I'm ok Remus. I didn't sleep very well last night."**

**Lily glanced over at Sirius who was also looking very concerned. He smiled slightly before turning his attention back to his plate.**

"**You should visit Madam Pomfrey. She's got this great potion that sends you into a dreamless sleep for hours." Said James.**

"**Thanks James. I may do that." Said Lily. The group sat there in silence eating their meals, careful to avoid each others eye until Lily got up and said "I've gotta run. I'll see you all later."**

**Lily set off down the corridor to the empty classroom Dumbledore had shown her the day she began visiting Ravenclaws Common room. She decided to try the charms theories again but no matter how much she tried she could not get her head around these theories. They seemed to be leaking out of her head quicker then she could put them in. After a while she gave up and looked at the time on her watch; it was 12:05am. She was sure that there would be no Ravenclaws up now so she packed away her things and headed towards the fourth floor and the portrait of Fredrick the Forgetful.**

**Once inside, Lily stood still and listened for the voice telling her she could come in.**

"**It's ok. You can come in"**

**Lily entered the Ravenclaw common room and straight over to where Gerald was sitting around a table. He had been reading but when Lily came in, he closed the book and drew out the chair next to him ready for her to sit upon.**

"**Hey, how's your day been?" Asked Lily taking her seat.**

"**Fine. Look Lily I need to talk to you."**

**Lily stared at him in surprise; he had never been so abrupt before.**

"**I've decided I am gonna go home and be with my family."**

"**Oh ok."**

"**I just think it would be better for everyone if I left."**

"**What do you mean?" exclaimed Lily, not quite understanding**

"**I heard your conversation with Professor Filtwick earlier. You're failing charms?"**

"**Its no big deal" said Lily shrugging "I can make it up."**

"**No Lily, it is a big deal!" Shouted Gerald standing up and walking away from the table. "And it's my fault you are failing. You are doing way too much! Everyday I see you; you are looking even more exhausted then the last!" **

"**I'm ok. You should be concentrating on you and your family. Don't worry about me."**

"**BUT YOU ARE MAKING ME WORRY ABOUT YOU!" shouted Gerald.**

**Lily began to cry; she had never seen Gerald act like this before. It was totally out of character.**

"**I'm sorry" she sobbed.**

**Gerald came and sat back down next to her.**

"**I'm not doing very well staying here anyway. My mind is constantly on Catherine so I think it would be best if I left Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore said that the remainders of my lessons are gonna be revision based anyway so I can do that from home. He said he would send an owl during the holidays telling me the times of my exams so I can come back in and take them here."**

**Lily went to respond when Gerald cut in again**

"**I also think that we should call it a day."**

**Lily looked startled**

"**Between Catherine and my exams I'm not gonna have much time for anything else. I don't think it would be fair to either of us if we continued as we have been the past couple of months."**

"**If that's what you want" whispered Lily**

"**I think it's best"**

"**Well I guess I'd better go then" said Lily suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.**

"**Thank you for everything Lily. I know I may not have shown it but I appreciated your support."**

"**Take care Gerald" replied Lily, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.**

"**You too Lily."**

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	22. Back On Track?

**Lily entered the Gryffindor common room minutes later to find it completely empty except for a boy sitting at a table with his head down finishing off some homework. Lily went to ascend the girl's staircase when she heard a voice call her name. Turning around she saw that the boy sitting at the table was Sirius.**

"**What are you doing up at this hour of the morning Evans? I would have thought you would have been in bed considering you didn't sleep well last night." Said Sirius.**

"**I had things to do Black." Snapped Lily**

"**Hey there's no need to snap. I was only asking" replied Sirius sounding hurt.**

**Lily just stood there and burst into tears. Sirius looked startled and began mumbling.**

"**I'm sorry Evans; I didn't mean to upset you."**

"**Its not you" sobbed Lily "Gerald is going home to be with his family. We've split up"**

"**I'm sorry" whispered Sirius, looking back down at the work spread out in front of him. "I know how much you liked him"**

**Lily laughed quietly "It's not that. I'm…I'm relieved"**

"**What? Why?" exclaimed Sirius.**

"**It's been awful these past couple of months. I've felt like I've had no time to do anything. If I'm not in lessons, I'm doing homework for them and if I'm not doing that then I'm with Gerald. Even when I go to sleep, my mind is full of work and Gerald. There just hasn't been enough time in the day to do everything!" exclaimed Lily, getting hysterical.**

**Sirius got up and came to sit next to the seat Lily had just collapsed into.**

"**It's just been a nightmare! I'm so relieved that its over but now I feel even worse. What kind of person am I to be relieved that my boyfriend has broken up with me and gone back home?"**

**Lily began to cry into her hands.**

"**Look at me Lily!" cried Sirius, pulling her hands away from her face and cupping her face up so their faces were in line.**

**Lily looked at him with watery eyes, tears still rolling down her cheeks.**

"**You have nothing to feel guilty about ok?" he exclaimed. "OK?"**

**Lily nodded slightly and began to cry again. She felt Sirius pull her towards him, his arms wrapped tightly around her.**

**If she hadn't been so tired, and so upset, Lily would have heard the stifled sob of a boy, very much in love. **

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**The following say Lily woke up feeling great. She had fallen asleep as soon as her had had hit the pillow and only woke up when the sun from outside came shining through the window onto her bed. Lily had not had such a good nights sleep in ages. Once she had washed and dressed, Lily made her way down to the common room. She had a free period so she sat herself down at a table and began to get her charms work out of her bag. She was sure that now she didn't have so much on her mind that she would be able to crack the theory. She was half an hour into the work and it still wasn't sinking in.**

"**God what's happened to me? I used to know this stuff inside out. I must be out of practice."**

**At that moment, Lily heard a noise from behind her. Turning around she saw Sirius entering the common room.**

"**Hey Evans" he said sleepily "Whatcha doing?"**

"**I'm trying to get my head around this charm stuff" she replied without even bothering to correct him. "Have you only just got up you lazy git"**

"**Well I've got a free too so I use it to get a bit of a lie in." he smirked "what charms work is this then?"**

"**The Repelling Charm" she sighed turning back to her work.**

"**That's easy" replied Sirius. **

"**Well that doesn't help me Sirius" snapped Lily**

"**Hey calm down, I only meant it's easy when you know how."**

"**Look if you've got nothing constructive to say then just go away. I'm behind as it is on this stuff and I don't need you breaking my concentration" yelled Lily**

"**Fine" said Sirius taking a seat at one of the other tables.**

**After another half an hour, Lily had had enough. She picked up her Charms textbook and flung it across the room in a fit of frustration. To add to her annoyance she heard Sirius burst out laughing.**

"**I take your not getting very far?"**

"**No shit Sherlock!"**

"**Then why don't you just ask me for help"**

"**What?" snapped Lily walking across the room to pick up the book she'd just thrown.**

"**Well I've told you I know how to do the Charm and I've been sitting here doing nothing for the past half an hour. You just cannot ask for help can you? You think you can handle it all by yourself."**

**As much as she hated to admit it, she knew Sirius was right. She had always handled things on her own and very rarely asked for help.**

"**Well get over here then!"**

"**Ask me"**

"**Ask you what?"**

"**Ask me for help"**

"**You're joking right?"**

"**Nope"**

**Lily stared incredulously as Sirius tilted on the back legs of the chair, grinning with the famous Black glint in his eye. She could tell that he was enjoying this and that he would take great joy in hearing her ask him for help but the fact of the matter was that she couldn't do it on her own.**

"**Fine. Sirius will you help me with my Charms?"**

"**Please"**

"**What?"**

"**Say please"**

"**You are enjoying this way too much" laughed Lily. "Ok Sirius will you help me with my charms work, please?**

"**Of course Lily"**

"**Lily? You called me Lily"**

"**Well it is your name isn't it?" Said Sirius, taking the vacant seat at Lily's table.**

"**Yeah, but you've never called me Lily. In fact you always took great pleasure in calling me Evans"**

"**Would you prefer I called you Evans?" said Sirius looking up at her from underneath his fringe.**

**Lily pondered this for a moment. She had always said that she hated being called Evans but when she actually sat and thought about it, it didn't really bother her. In fact when Sirius called her Evans it felt right. Hearing him call her Lily was weird and it made her uncomfortable, as though she didn't know the man sitting opposite her.**

"**Yeah I would. You calling me Lily sounds weird but don't tell the others. I'd look like a right idiot after protesting about it for six years."**

"**Your secrets safe with me." Grinned Sirius. "So shall we get to work then?"**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sirius was happy to help. Although he had made a big deal about it, he knew Lily would ask him to help her. He and Lily had become so close this year that it was impossible not to know her like he did. As he looked at her from across the table, he knew that he had found a life long friend in Lily. After everything they had gone through and shared this year, Sirius was thankful for that. He didn't have much in his life but in James and Lily he had found a family.

He and Lily spent the rest of their free period going through the repelling charm. By the end of the session, Lily was beginning to get the hang of the charm. Cushions were floating in mid air uncertain as to whether to rush at her or to go back to the person they were thrown by. By means of a compromise, most of them decided to fall to the floor half way between the pair of them.

"You're getting the hang of it" remarked Sirius as he walked over to collect the cushion up off the floor.

He looked up at Lily as he bent over to pick it up. She looked downhearted.

"Come on Evans, don't get upset. We've only been practicing for fifteen minutes. You really are getting the hang of it" he exclaimed.

"Yeah I know it just that last year this would have been easy for me. And now here I am having to accept help from you."

Sirius felt slightly annoyed at this comment. Lily must have sensed this annoyance as she quickly replied

"I'm sorry that sounded so ungrateful and I'm not. I really appreciate what you are doing for me. It's just, how did we get here Sirius?"

Sirius knew that she did not mean that comment to be taken literally. He threw the cushion he had had in his hands on the sofa and walked over to the chair Lily had just flopped down into. Sirius pulled up a chair and sat down next to her, his right leg resting on his left knee. He didn't really know what to say. He had been asking himself the very same question for a while now. Everything had seemed so much easier last year. He knew what he wanted, where he was going yet everything had now been turned on its head. If Lily was asking him for answers, he didn't have any.

"I would give anything to be a child again." Whispered Lily

"Why?"

"Cos when you were a child everything was so much easier. You didn't have to worry about anything. You were protected from all the crap the world threw at you. Right now I just feel so alone."

Sirius moved his chair closer to Lily and put his arm around her. She wasn't upset; she was simply stating a fact which made it seem all the sadder. Sirius knew that feeling well, and knew how destructive it could be. He didn't want Lily to feel like that.

"Your not alone Lily. You know you've always got James!"

Sirius grinned mischievously at the incredible look on Lily's face. Soon her face broke out into true laugh; a laugh that not only reached her mouth but encompassed her whole body. Sirius had not heard that laugh for a long time. He was pleased to see it back and hoped that it would stay.

…………………………………………………………………………………………


	23. An Unexpected Change

Over the next few weeks, Sirius saw that Lily was slowly returning to her old self. He could still see the scars that the past few months had left her to battle with, but he could see that she was fighting back and winning. He admired this in her. He had been so afraid that she would just give in to the fear but to see her now made Sirius the happiest he had been in a long time. He had continued to help her with her Charms work and she was now starting to get back into the swing of that too. The big test came with the mock examination that Professor Filtwick was giving them on the last day before the Easter holidays. Sirius knew that Lily had to pass that test, and pass it well if she was going to stand a chance of being entered for the Charms exam. It was not only a huge test for Lily, but for him too.

He had been lost for a long time and felt that he was alone in experiencing this until that day in the common room when Lily revealed that she felt the same. In helping Lily, Sirius was in fact helping himself. He had a purpose; he was no longer drifting through life imitating what everyone else around him believed him to be. He was being himself and realizing, maybe for the first time, that Sirius Black wasn't all that bad after all. In Sirius's mind, Lily passing this test would prove that his life so far had not been a waste. That he was in fact a person who, despite what his family thought of him, was worth loving. However, it wasn't the exam that gave him this feeling. It came from a completely unexpected source.

It was late in the Gryffindor common room and most of the Griffindors had gone to bed. Sirius was still up and playing Wizard chess with James. Remus was helping Peter with his transfiguration homework at the table next to them and Lily and Helen, who had been spending a lot of their time with the four boys, were 'assisting' Sirius and James in their game.

"Ooo! I wouldn't do that if I were you Sirius" said Lily suddenly. "You'll leave your bishop wide open"

"But if he doesn't then James is gonna take his knight." Replied Helen

Sirius looked up from the board and stared at the two girls then looked at James who was sharing the same incredulous look he was.

"Erm…what do you two think you are doing?" asked Sirius.

"We are helping you" said Helen, who appeared to be finding it hard to keep a straight face.

"Yeah" replied Lily, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. "Don't you want our help?"

Sirius stared at the two of them who had now begun to make snorting noises, their faces unable to hide their obvious amusement. Sirius turned questioningly towards James and raised his eyebrow. James shrugged in response as turned back to the two of them

"What's so funny?" asked Peter, closing his textbook and looking with obvious confusion at the hysterical giggles the two girls had now collapsed into.

Sirius continued to stare at the pair of them in complete amazement.

"I have absolutely no idea!" he replied slowly.

This seemed to make them even worse. Gasps of "please stop" and "aww my side hurts" were the only sense that came out of the two girls for a while. Sirius and James had abandoned their game as they could not concentrate with the spontaneous outbursts of laughter that came from the two girls. They were now resting in the chairs by the window when a tapping noise was heard on the window. Sirius turned curiously towards the window and saw an unfamiliar owl bobbing around outside. Sirius watched as James opened the window and the owl swooped in and came to land on the table next to them. Sirius looked at five people sat around him. Lily and Helen had stopped laughing and were now deadly silent. Peter was looking from face to face waiting for the look of recognition that confirmed that the owl belonged to one of them. James and Remus were both wearing looks of confusion. Sirius knew why. It was not unusual for Griffindors to get owls late at night but this owl was unfamiliar to all of them and as owls did not generally deliver letters to the wrong people, it meant that whatever it was carrying was meant for one of them.

"Anyone expecting a letter?" asked Remus

When no one responded, James walked forward and took the letter off of the owl's leg. The owl, its job now done, flew out of the open window and disappeared into the night sky. Sirius saw James look at the parchment and was even more surprised when he looked at him.

"It's for you" James mumbled, holding out the letter for Sirius to take. Sirius saw all the remaining heads turn to look at him as he took the letter out of James's hand. There was an official mark stamped on the letter and read _Master Sirius Black_ in very elegant handwriting. Sirius did not recognize the hand nor did he know why such an official document should be sent to him. He looked questioningly at James, who nodded slowly. He broke the seal and opened the letter out so that he could read it's contents. Sirius could hear the combined intake of breath of the 5 people standing around them as he scanned the letter.

"So what does it say?" cried Peter.

Sirius looked up at Peter and the others around him, not quite sure what to say.

"My uncle has died"

"Oh Sirius I am so sorry" said Helen walking over to where Sirius was standing, completely dumbfounded and placing a comforting arm around him.

"And he has left me some gold"

"Bloody hell" said James running his fingers through his hair in disbelief. "Do you know how much?"

"James!" said Helen sternly

"Its ok Helen" replied Sirius. "I didn't know the guy very well. Uncle Alphard was one of the bad eggs in our family which to everyone else (outside of our family) is a nice person. He didn't believe in all that pureblood mania like the rest of the family did so he was not spoken of. I think he lived up north somewhere but we never saw him. This letter is from his wife. As he had no children of his own, she got the majority of his wealth but it appears he put some aside for me. Apparently he heard I was estranged from the rest of the family and wanted to help. He hadn't been well for a while according to this letter so made sure that there was enough put aside for me when he died."

"That's really good of him" said Lily softly

Sirius gazed down at the letter again reading its contents, still not quite believing.

"Yeah it was" he replied quietly "Oh and James in answer to your question, its enough."

Sirius smiled weakly at his best friend who was looking slightly ashamed.

"I think I'm gonna head off to bed guys." Said Sirius, his head suddenly feeling very heavy. "I'll see you all in the morning"

Mumbled "goodnights" and "sorrys "were all Sirius could make out as he made his way across the room and up the stairs to the quiet of the dormitory above. His head was full of the news that the letter had brought. He felt awful that he did not feel more upset at the passing of his uncle. _You didn't even know him. He was a stranger to you_. What was bothering Sirius the most was the fact that this man who was practically a stranger to him, had left him a considerable amount of gold. What had he done to deserve it? Nothing as far as he could tell. According to the letter, his wife was the only other beneficiary, so what made him so special as to get a mention in this man's will? Sirius looked at the letter that he still had in his hand and read the contents once again.

'_He learnt of your estrangement quite by chance. An old colleague of his brought the news to his attention. Once he had learnt of your, shall I say misfortune, he made sure that you were provided for. He was adamant that you should not suffer as he had just because you'd refused to go along with the family's beliefs. I hope that you will accept this gift as although you never met, I believe he saw something special in you.'_

Sirius's thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking. Looking up he saw Lily silhouetted against the open door.

"I was just checking to see if you were ok" she whispered coming to sit down next to him on the bed, looking over at Frank's bed where he was peacefully sleeping unaware of what was going on around him.

Sirius turned and looked at her. He could see concern etched all over her face as her eyes searched his face wonderingly. He smiled to himself.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine thank you" he replied. He could see that she wasn't quite convinced but she didn't press it.

"He obviously thought a lot of you" she said quietly.

Sirius sighed and nodded his head. "It appears so, although I'm not quite sure why"

"Sirius you such a strong person. You have great integrity, you are loyal and you will not run with the crowd. You made a courageous decision going against your family and standing up for what you truly believe in. I think your uncle saw that and felt that that kind of strength should be rewarded."

Sirius felt Lily reach out and take his hand in hers. All his nerves tingled with anticipation. He dared not look at her but some invisible force was making do otherwise. Slowly his head lifted and turned to gaze at her face which was now incredibly close to his. His eyes swept over her face, taking in every little detail; the tiny freckles that had formed around her nose, the loose strand of copper red hair which fell across her forehead, the emerald green eyes that glistened in the fading light. He heard her catch her breath as she stared into his eyes. Sirius reached out and stroked the loose tendril of hair behind Lily's ear before kissing her on the forehead. He held her face in his hand as he stared straight into her eyes and whispered

"I think you should go."

Sirius saw the shock seep into Lily's eyes, which was soon replaced by anger. He felt her pull her hand roughly away from his grasp as she made to storm out of the room. He tried to pull her back, he had to explain why. Out of nowhere, Lily turned and slapped Sirius across the face. The beautiful face that he had just been gazing at, had transformed into a face full of fury. Her eyes now flashed dangerously as though daring him to speak. Her hair no longer looked copper but fiery and wild. He said nothing and made no attempt to stop her as she swept out of the room, her robes billowing out behind her. His cheek stinged with the impact Lily's hand had made across it. He knew that he had done the right thing but, he had never felt so bad in all his life.

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	24. Growing Up

**She had never felt so humiliated in all her life. She was so angry, but not with him; with herself. She couldn't believe that she had allowed Sirius Black to hurt her again; after she had promised herself never to get that close to him again. Lily paced the dormitory room trying to calm herself down. She knew Helen would be up soon and did not want any awkward questions to be asked. She could see that Rachel and Alice were fast asleep. Lily could hear Alice's heavy breathing and Rachel's occasional snore. These familiar noises were comforting to Lily. After a while, she sat down on the end of her bed and massaged her temples with her fingers. She could feel a headache coming on so she drew her hangings around her and got into bed. The pillow felt cool against her cheek which was still hot with anger. **

**Lily heard Helen come in not long after she lay down.**

"**Lily" whispered Helen "Lily, are you ok?"**

"**Yeah, just got a bit of a headache that's all"**

"**Oh ok, I'll let you sleep then. Night"**

"**Night" whispered Lily.**

**After ten minutes, Lily could hear Helen's rhythmic breathing signaling to Lily that she was asleep.**

**Lily however remained awake. So many thoughts were running through her mind that she couldn't sleep even if she wanted to. Lying on her back with her hands behind her head, Lily stared at the top of the bed trying to calm herself down. She always let Sirius get to her. What was so special about him? Before this year she didn't even think about him at all, he was just one of the lads in her class. What changed all that? When did everything become so complicated? Lily wished things would just go back to the way things were.**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Lily kept to her room the following day under the pretence she was ill. It was not difficult for people to believe as she was extremely pale and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Helen appeared reluctant to leave Lily on her own but Lily managed to persuade her to go to class.**

"**Who else is gonna take notes for me?"**

"**Well at least go and see Madam Pomfrey. She maybe able to give you something for it"**

"**I'm sure it's nothing that a day in bed won't cure. I will go and see Madam Pomfrey later on today" said Lily on seeing that Helen was about to protest again "I promise". Helen looked at Lily as she disappeared out of the door. _She doesn't believe me _thought Lily _and rightly so_ she thought as she uncrossed her fingers that she had been hiding under the bed covers.**

**Lily just needed some time to herself so that she could sort her head out. She really believed that she was over Sirius. They had become so close these past few months. He was being so nice to her, helping her with her charms, helping her to forget about Gerald. She considered him one of her best friends, so for all this to come back now……**

**Lily had realized that this was why she had got so upset and lashed out at Sirius. Yes she was angry with him there was no denying that, but she realized that she had ruined one of the best relationships that she had ever had. She was also embarrassed. So embarrassed at that had happened. She swore to herself that after last time she would never put herself in the situation for Sirius to hurt her again, yet here she was, missing classes because of Sirius Black!**

**All of this anguishing must have made Lily tired, because when she woke up it was 11:30am and she was not alone…..**

Sirius had spent all night tossing and turning. He felt awful for doing what he did to Lily but he knew it was for the best, she would see that in time. When he woke early the next day, Sirius could see that the sun was just beginning to make an appearance from behind the mountains. The grounds were incredibly still and the morning dew was still visable on the grass below. He got up immediately and dressed. When looking at his reflection in the mirror, Sirius could still see the red mark that Lily had left on his cheek the night before. He reached out to touch his cheek and found that it was still tender to the touch. _I'm gonna have a lovely bruise there if I don't do something about this._ Not wanting to attract any attention to himself when he went, Sirius checked to see that Frank was asleep. Once convinced he was, Sirius transformed into the big black dog that was his anamagus form and left the dormitory.

Sirius needn't have worried. It was so early that nothing was stirring in the castle or the grounds. Sirius went for a walk around the edge of the Forbidden Forest towards the Lake where he knew he would be hidden from anyone who may be looking out of the castle windows. There he transformed back into his human form and sat down under one of Hogwarts numerous trees. The lake usually brought solace to Sirius. He found the stillness of the water calmed him and helped him to sort out anything that may have been troubling him. He hoped that the Lake would cast it's spell once again and allow Sirius to find a way out of the situation that he found himself in.

He loved Lily; this he now realized. It was killing him to know that the one person that he cared about most in the world (other then James, but that was different) at this moment in time, hated him. He did not blame Lily for her reaction; he too would have been upset if the shoe had been on the other foot and she had humiliated him the way he had her. But what hurt Sirius the most was that he didn't want Lily to think that he didn't care for her. He was just trying to do the right thing by his best mate.

Sirius sat there under the tree until the sun had risen fully in the sky. The rays of light were being reflected off of the still waters in front of him making the lake shimmer in a way that only early sunlight can do. Sirius decided to make his way into the great hall and have some breakfast before the hall got busy.

When he arrived in the great hall he saw that he was not the only 6th year Gryffindor at the table.

"Hey Helen, how ya doing?" said Sirius taking a seat opposite her.

"I'm ok. How are you?" asked Helen quietly.

Sirius could see that Helen was staring suspiciously at him. Had Lily told her what had happened?

"I'm fine thanks" replied Sirius reaching out to take a few slices of toast from the rack nearest them.

"No your not" replied Helen. Sirius looked up quickly, Lily had told her. "Your uncle has just died of course you're not ok."

Guilt racked through Sirius. He had completed forgotten about his uncle. The events that occurred after that had driven all thoughts of his death out of Sirius's mind. Sirius bowed his head in shame which Helen obviously took the wrong way as she reached out across the table and he felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"It will be ok you know. It's just a shock at the moment that's all"

"I just can't believe that someone who barely knew me would leave me so much gold. I mean I have done nothing to deserve it." Replied Sirius. He felt bad for allowing Helen to believe that was the reason he was upset but the truth would just cause more problems. Besides he couldn't believe that this man who although a relation was a total stranger to him, had left him anything.

"Do you know what you are gonna do with the money?" Helen asked quietly.

"I will buy you a present first of course Helen"

"Oh god that is not what I meant Sirius" cried Helen obviously shocked at the possibility that she had caused him some offence.

Sirius smiled weakly at Helen who realized that he had been teasing her and threw her bread roll half-heartedly at him.

"To be honest, I haven't really had a chance to think about it. I guess it would be an idea to buy a flat seeing as come the summer, I am homeless."

"You will never be homeless as long as James is your best mate" said Helen soothingly.

This made the guilt rise up in Sirius again.

"I can't impose myself on his family any longer. It's not fair to his parents"

"Sirius, you know they look upon you as a second son."

This upset Sirius more then anything. changing the subject quickly,

"Where's Lily?"

"She's up in bed. She says she isn't well. Sirius I'm really worried about her. She has keeps having these episodes where she is so down and she cannot appear to pull herself out of it."

"She's had a lot to deal with this year, Helen. Cut her a bit of slack. Wouldnt you be a bit down if your ex boyfriend's sister had been almost killed by Voldemort."

"Shhh! Don't say his name Sirius" cried Helen looking nervously around her. "Anyway, she was like this before she ever started seeing Gerald. The Gerald situation just appeared to make it worse."

Sirius knew that Gerald wasn't completely to blame for Lily's behaviour the past few months. Sirius tried to avoid Helen's eye as he could see her trying to penetrate him with a quizzical stare.

"Look I've gotta go." And Sirius got up abruptly upsetting a jug of pumpkin juice as he tried to get out of his seat as soon as possible. "I'm sorry" he muttered as he left a very confused Helen to clean away the spillage.

Sirius had decided. He couldn't face going back to the Potter's house knowing what had happened between him and Lily this year. He made to leave the great hall when he collided with a solid male figure.

"Hey dude, how's it going?"

Sirius had bumped straight into the one person he didn't want to see right now.

"Hey Prongs, I'm good you?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Look Padfoot, I wanna speak to you about something. I was thinking of asking Rachel to Hogsmeade this weekend. Is that cool with you?"

"You wanna go out with Rachel? Why?"

"Well she and I have been getting along quite well these days and I just thought I would ask her. Do you mind? Cos if you do I won't ask her?"

"What about Evans?" replied Sirius, clearly shocked by his best mate's sudden change of heart.

"What about her? She is clearly not interested in me and I have wasted enough time waiting for her to realise how great I am. It's time I moved on. Besides I think she quite clearly has feelings for someone else."

Sirius looked up at James quickly to see James was smiling at him.

"What makes you say that?" asked Sirius, in what he hoped was an off hand way.

"I am not completely blind behind these glasses. I can see what is going on in front of me. Besides, I overheard your conversation in the dormitory last night."

Sirius stared at his best mate, his mouth hanging open in shock.

"WW..How?"

"I saw Lily follow you upstairs and I went to tell her to leave you on your own for a bit. When I got to the top of the stairs I could hear you two talking. I just wanna thank you for your loyalty to me. I can see that slap across the face she gave you were a hard one."

"Yeah well it's not the first time I've been hit by a girl" smirked Sirius, still surprised by this news.

James laughed. "And it probably won't be the last. But seriously, you are a good mate and I want you to be happy. I saw the look on your face when Lily left and I saw the look you gave me when I told you I had overheard your conversation. If you care for Lily as much as I think you do, then you should give it a go."

"So you are giving us your permission?"

James laughed again. "You don't need my permission Padfoot old friend. But if it makes you happy then I give you my _blessing_"

Sirius could not quite believe his ears. He was sure that this must be a dream, but it wasn't. It was all real.

"James, you know I think of you as not just my best mate but the brother I never had"

"What about Regulus?" asked James somewhat amused.

"Like I said...the brother I never had!" smirked Sirius, giving his mate a playful punch on the arm. "Oh and by the way, you have my blessing with Rachel. She is a great girl"

"So you said before." said James grinning wickedly and raising an eyebrow.

"Oi, I didn't mean it like that...but yeah you are right." laughed Sirius.

"Look I've gotta go. See you in Defence a bit later?" said James, turning to enter the Hall.

"Yeah definitely. Good Luck" he replied as he saw Rachel and Alice enter the Hall.

"Luck, who needs luck when you are good looking and intelligent as I am"

Sirius shook his head laughing to himself as he watched James run in to catch up with Rachel. He had never felt so happy in all his life. He could not wait to see Lily and kiss her again. His heart was so full of joy that he could not think of anything else. He remembered Helen saying that Lily was still in her dormitory. It was now nearly 11am. He knew that the Gryffindor common room would be empty now so as soon as he passed through the portrait hole, he transformed into the dog and made his way up the otherwise inaccessible girl's staircase. Once he had reached the outside of the 6th years dormitory, he transformed back into Sirius the human and pushed the slightly a jar door.

Lily was asleep on her four poster bed. Her beautiful red hair fanned out on the snow white pillow. She looked so peaceful and so angelic that Sirius did not have the heart to wake her. He just sat there, in the chair by her bed and watched her until she woke. At first she did not appear to have noticed him, but as he leant forward in his chair, she turned her head slightly and looked at him.


	25. The Changing of the Tides

"**Sirius, what are you………………"**

**Lily did not get a chance to finish her sentence as Sirius had swept down upon her and given her a long lingering kiss that took her breath away. Her entire body tingled with pleasure as his tongue traced the contours of her mouth and danced with hers. When they broke apart, Lily was speechless.**

"**What are you doing?" she gasped.**

**Sirius laughed. "Well if you have to ask, I obviously wasn't doing it right!"**

**Lily laughed nervously. "No what I mean is, why the sudden change of heart?"**

**Sirius smiled at her, his eyes gazing upon her confused face.**

"**My heart has never changed towards you Evans – I have always loved you but I allowed my head to rule over my heart but not anymore."**

**Lily could not quite believe what she was hearing. Dare she allow herself to believe that Sirius had finally decided he wanted to be with her? Lily searched his face. His face was lit up and his eyes were searching her for a response.**

"**What's brought about this change? I have wanted you so badly - you have no idea but every time I have opened myself up to you, my heart has received a bruising. I don't know that I could take that pain again. I need to know that this time it's for real and that you are not going to hurt me again cos I don't think that I would recover from another rejection."**

"**James is at this moment asking Rachel out?" said Sirius simply.**

"**What?" asked Lily confused**

"**James over heard us talking last night."**

"**Oh my God what did he say?"**

"**He said that he appreciated my loyalty and that it was obvious that he was never going to get you to go out with him as you were clearly in love with another."**

**Lily blushed when Sirius said this. She did love him but to hear him say it made her feel very vulnerable.**

"**He also said that he could tell that the feeling was mutual and that he did not want to stand in our way.** **And he has now decided to pursue Rachel instead."**

**It took Lily a while to digest all this information. James no longer wanted her – she wasn't quite sure how she felt about that but the thing that she kept coming back to was that the one and only obstacle that was in the way of her relationship with Sirius had now been removed.**

"**What you thinking?" said Sirius's voice from somewhere in the back of Lily's mind.**

"**I'm thinking that the one and only obstacle that was in our way has now gone."**

"**So what do you wanna do now?" asked Sirius, stroking her hair whilst gazing into her eyes**

"**I don't know. Do you think we could make a go of it?"**

"**Do you really think I would risk coming up here in the middle of the day and ruining your reputation if I didn't want us to be together?"**

**Lily smiled. "I guess not"**

"**Exactly so stop being silly and kiss me!"**

**Lily leant forward and brushed her lips against Sirius's, still not quite believing that he was here telling her that they were now together. He tilted her chin up and took her mouth into the most passionate kiss that she had ever experienced. **

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**


	26. Troubling Times

It had been 2 weeks since Sirius visited Lily in her dormitory and Sirius was just as happy now as he was then. He was sitting in the Gryffindor common room on the sofa in front of the fire with Lily sitting beside him, her head resting on his shoulder, her arm interlinked with his. They weren't speaking - they didn't need to. They both just sat there, enjoying the companionable silence that they had become so good at and relishing the closeness they had discovered.

At that moment, the portrait door opened and in came James, Peter, Rachel and Helen. Sirius watched the four of them make their way over to his and Lily's secluded corner. James had successfully asked Rachel out and the two of them appeared to be enjoying themselves as much as Sirius was with Lily. Although things had worked out how he wanted them to do, Sirius still felt strange being around James when he was with Lily. Although James had assured him that he was fine with his and Lily's relationship, Sirius still felt that he would be rubbing salt into the wound if he was to act with Lily how he did with Rachel. It was this that made Sirius sit upright and untangle his arm from Lily's. He could see her looking at him quizzically out of the corner of his eye but he promised himself that he would explain it to her later.

"Hey man – how's it going?" said Sirius when James and Rachel took the two available seats opposite him.

"Not bad, not bad at all?" replied James as he slumped into the chair, with Rachel sitting close by.

"Have you started your Defence assignment yet? I can't believe we have to write a 3 foot essay!" cried Rachel as she curled up to James.

"Nah – it'll be fine. Defence is easy ain't it Sirius?"

"Well it is if you are naturally talented like us mate!" replied Sirius, smirking.

"I guess us 'lesser mortals' will actually have to study for this one" said Lily

"Well you know you shouldn't be so hard on yourself" teased Sirius.

Lily laughed and threw a pillow at him which hit Sirius squarely in the face.

"PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!!" shouted Rachel

The Common room erupted with shrieks of laugher and the sound of pillows thumping against their intended targets.

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**The Pillow fight seemed to have tired out the majority of the Griffindors and as such the common room emptied quite quickly once peace had been restored. Sirius had stayed on the sofa by the fire talking and laughing with James and Remus, who had joined them from the library after the all the excitement of earlier in the evening. Since the subject of the Defence Against the Dark Arts essay had been mentioned, Lily had chosen to go upstairs and retrieve the work that she had already collected for her assignment and begin writing a rough draft of her essay.**

**Sirius had offered to sit with her but she knew that he would act as more of a distraction then a help so she told him that she would get more done if she was left to concentrate on her own. Sirius accepted her request and Lily even suspected that he had deliberately kept the noise to a minimum so that she could work without interruptions. **

**It was this caring side of Sirius that Lily had fallen in love with. Whenever she decided to give herself a quick break, her eyes would naturally wonder over to that area by the fire. Watching Sirius's eyes dance as he joked and talked with his best friends made an unconscious smile creep onto Lily's face. She could see now how much he adored and respected his friends. For the first time she could see what he meant when he said that his friends were his family.**

**It was starting to get late and Lily's eyes were tired from all the reading she had been doing. Sitting back in her chair, resigned to giving up for the night, she rubbed her eyes. Upon re opening them, she saw Sirius sitting on the chair opposite her. She looked around the room but it was empty except for the two of them.**

"**So you get much done?" asked Sirius getting up from his seat and walking around the table so that he was now positioned behind her chair. Lily felt his arms wind themselves around her shoulders as his head came to rest on her right shoulder. Lily leaned her head back and closed her eyes again. Her hand had rose to the back of Sirius's head and was now caressing the back of his neck.**

"**I've got a rough draft done. I just wanna run it past Professor Maple first and see what she thinks."**

"**Hmmmm" was Sirius's reply. Lily smiled to herself. She knew that Sirius loved to have the back of his neck stroked.**

"**So James or Remus have any news for you?" **

**Lily felt Sirius raise his head and remove his arms from around her. She turned and looked at him, questioningly. A look of anxiety had appeared on his face**

"**What's wrong?" asked Lily worried**

"**Well I guess you would find out sooner or later. I'm just glad am the person who gets to tell you."**

"**Sirius, please you are scaring me now. What is going on?" **

"**When Remus was in the library, he met Jody Massey from Hufflepuff. She told him that Suranne Metlock got an owl early in the evening summoning her home as soon as possible. Apparently her dad has been arrested for using Dark Magic against his wife."**

**Lily gasped and held her hand to her mouth in horror, unable to speak.**

"**Jody reckons that Mr Metlock is one of the nicest people in the world and does not believe that he acted of his own free will."**

"**What doe she mean by that? The Imperious Curse?"**

"**Well according to Jody, Suranne's mum is quite high up in the Ministry, so if he was under the Imperious Curse then she would be a prime target."**

"**That is awful. Poor Suranne – she must be devastated!"**

"**She was sent to Dumbledore's office by Professor Sprout and he sent her home immediately"**

**Lily fell into stunned silence. Something was going on out there but she didn't know what. First Gerald's sister now this. Who knows what else has happened that hadn't reached their ears yet. Lily looked up at Sirius. She could see concern etched all over his face and she knew that he knew more then what he was letting on.**

"**Should I be preparing myself for more of this Sirius?"**

**Sirius shifted in his seat nervously. She knew that he was trying to buy time, wondering how much he should let her know.**

"**Sirius" She said taking his face in her hands. "I know you are only trying to protect me but I need to know – for my own sanity."**

**Sirius bit his lower lip and sighed deeply before beginning.**

"**Whilst I was staying over at James's last summer, we noticed that there had been reportings of strange behaviour –disappearances of **_**certain**_** witches and wizards and unexplained accidents etc. At first we thought nothing of it but we soon noticed that James's parents were becoming kinda uneasy. We would walk into a room and hear the end of hushed discussions. If we ever asked what was going on, they would just dismiss our enquires and change the subject. Then when we came back to school, we noticed the teachers having the same hushed discussions at the dinner table especially after the attack on Gerald's sister. Of course we could not hear what they were saying but we recognised the uneasiness."**

"**So what do you think is going on?"**

"**We don't know but we are sure it is something big. I know I down played Dumbledore being away at Christmas but something was up that day. "**

**Lily chewed the inside of her mouth whilst she digested what she had just been told. She knew deep down that something wasn't right and now she wasn't alone in her thinking.**

"**Thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate it." Lily replied.**

**Sirius smiled weakly before announcing that they had better make a move to bed. Sirius gave Lily a tender kiss before disappearing up the staircase that led to the boy's dormitories.**

**Lily changed into her pyjamas and got into bed. She had intended to think about Sirius's revelations but found that all her studying had worn her out and she felt sleep wash over her as soon as her head hit the pillow.**

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Sirius felt uneasy. He knew that he had told Lily all that he and James had surmised but he had consciously refrained from telling her what troubled him the most. The fact that the majority of the attacks had been made upon those that were known or later discovered to be Muggle borns gave Sirius a very troubled night's sleep.


End file.
